Author's Note: Last month while student teaching, my students were asked to think about their core beliefs that help guide their lives, following the tradition that NPR continued from the tradition started in the 1950s by Edward R. Murrow. After the second world war, he noticed a lot of people were scared and needed some kind of hope. That's where 'This I Believe' came in-- to show others not how to live, but how they lead meaningful lives despite when negative things are happening in their lives. This is my own contribution to this tradition.
FDR said during his first inauguration, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” It wasn’t until I truly traveled alone for the first time that I realized how correct he was.
In October 2014, I stepped off the plane onto the tarmac and into London City Airport. My heart was racing-- studying abroad in the Netherlands for four and a half months was totally different than this. There, someone was waiting for me and I knew there were other people in my program that I could get to know. Even though this was only a week-long trip to London, this was somehow scarier. I had no one waiting for me and I had to figure out everything on my own. This was a recipe for the greatest terror I have known yet.
I bought an Oyster card for the week and tried to get directions on how to use the train system. To my frustration and fear, I was dismissed by the older man behind the ticket counter at the airport with a, “It’s all right there, darling,” while pointing to the colorful yet intimidating map in response to my pleas for help with navigating the underground. Instead, I was left to stand there, working through the rising panic that I was feeling.
I considered turning right back around and catching the next flight back to Amsterdam. I considered just sitting in the middle of the London City station and crying. I considered calling a cab or hitchhiking to get to my hostel for the week. I truly felt that I had made the biggest mistake of my life coming to London and I hadn’t been there for more than half an hour.
But I didn’t do any of these things. I took out the map that I was given and took out the Google instructions that I had taken a screenshot of on my iPod. Instead of trying to escape the fear I was feeling by running away (or rather, flying away), I decided to face this challenge head on. Visiting England as an English major was such an important goal for me. To be finally standing in this Mecca for people who study literature and want to be writers, I was on the cusp of this amazing opportunity. All that stood between me and this amazing experience was a ride on the underground. That’s it.
As small of a step as it might seem to others, this was a big step for me, not caving into this fear that was crushing my lungs and tying my stomach into knots. This small step of getting on the train and figuring out how to explore this new-to-me city opened my mind and helped me channel any benign fear that I had into something productive.
After the incident at the London City Airport train station, I had an amazing time exploring London from the Beatles zebra crossing, to the London Eye, to Kensington Palace. More importantly, I had a chance to continue practicing channeling fear into bravery as I talked to people I had never talked to before, navigated the city on my own, and bounced back and readjusted from mistakes I made along the way.
This value continues to serve me in my daily life as I become a teacher and as I try new things and go through new experiences. I have learned the value of jumping in and taking a calculated risk in things I have never experienced before. I can take my fears and channel them into the bravery I need to accomplish anything I put my mind to.
