It’s June again. The shelves are stocked with brightly colored cards describing the wonderful things fathers are supposed to do, aisles are full of sport memorabilia, tools, and various grilling utensils. They scream at you from every angle, trying to elicit feelings of warmth and happiness as well as memories that you never even had. Everywhere you turn there is a reminder that a certain day is coming. This day could be just like any other, full of monotony and routine. Instead, it has been portrayed as a day of happiness and celebration. It has been shaped and molded so much that it is no longer just another day. That’s right, it is Father’s Day once again, and you must put on a brave face, because…well life happens and some of you don’t have dads who are around for you like they should be.
Everyone has a different reaction when they hear the words “father's day” some of you get excited and look forward to celebrating your dads and that's great, others get a tug on their heart because some fathers have passed away and some fathers have not been actual fathers. For those of you who have dads with problems like alcoholism or drug addiction, or dads who aren’t there, or dads who are imperfect, when you feel that knot in your stomach as Father’s Day rolls around, know that you’re at the very least NOT alone. Also know that nothing is wrong with you. I really hope you heard me when i said nothing was wrong with you.
I’m here to tell you it's okay to not be okay. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to break down, cry, and scream if that is what you need. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that the rest of the world is happily planning weekend getaways and family barbecues with their fathers, because the truth is this one day in June is hard for many, myself included. Everywhere you go the band aid is violently ripped off the wound you so carefully covered up, and it is left raw, open, and throbbing. The marketers seem so insensitive, assuming that everyone has a father to celebrate with, and all the people around you seem so happy as they pick out the “perfect” gifts to surprise their dads. Meanwhile, it is just another day for you and me.
Grieve. It is okay to feel the pain when it demands to be felt, but don't dwell on the negatives. Instead, use this day to reflect on the good memories you had with your dad, if you have them. If you don’t, you can still appreciate the little things in life. Be grateful that your father gave you life. Without him, no matter what relationship, if you had any, you would not be where you are today. Then, be happy for others, because, as you are well aware, life is short and life happens fast. Making yourself, and others along the way, miserable won’t do you any good. Feel the hurt. No matter how many years it’s been, this day does not get easier, but it will be okay and you will be okay. Your father is gone or not around. You cannot spend the day with him. However, if you set your mind to it you can make it a good day nonetheless. Then, tomorrow when you wake up it really will be just another day, and you can heave a sigh of satisfaction and relief knowing that you embraced yesterday and all that came with it to the best of your abilities. So, today do something nice for the men in your life who have impacted you positively, all the coaches, teachers, uncles, and friends who made a difference.
Father’s Day doesn’t have to just be about your biological dad. It is a day to appreciate all the strong and bold men or women who have made a difference in your life. Celebrate them. Celebrate yourself and the person you have become. Feel the pain, but recognize all the ways it changed you for the better, and be grateful. As the ever-so cliché quote goes, “Don’t regret the bad times, they have shown you that you are strong enough to overcome them and appreciate the good times.”
Happy Father’s Day.
