I was going to spend the night at a friend’s house and my dad dropped me off. He walked me to the door and rang the bell. We were greeted by my friend and her parents. It was the first time I was going to stay at her house. My dad was telling jokes; soon after, he left. As he was leaving, I told him I would see him tomorrow and that I loved him.

My friend and I spent the night playing dolls and watching a movie. We went to sleep late and woke up early. Her father made us breakfast. The kitchen hummed with the sound of conversation and laughs.

Then, the sharp ring of the telephone broke the air. My mom had called and I was handed the phone. We spoke briefly, but my mom stated I needed to come home immediately. I was confused and gave the phone to my friend’s mom.

We ate our breakfast and changed clothes. I packed my bag and we were headed home. The drive was quick; we only lived about 10 minutes away. As we drove into the neighborhood, I noticed all the cars parked outside of my house. I was excited to see the vehicles of my grandparents and other family members, but I was still confused. My friend and her mom parked in the driveway and I said goodbye, thanked them and told them that I would see them later.

As I walked toward the front porch, my mom was at the door. She said that my dad had passed away that morning. He was driving into town and had a car accident. It was all over the news. He was in his mid 40s. He left behind his wife and four children.

It is very hard for anyone to believe the death of a parent, particularly when it is unanticipated.

I was in 5th grade at the time. I felt lost. I missed a lot of school. There was a lot of anger and sadness. Everyone in my family dealt with death in their own way. We all grieved in different ways, and some of us are still mournful.

10 years later. . .

I still miss you

I miss your smile. I miss your hugs. I miss your authority. I miss seeing you with mom and my siblings. 10 years is a long time to get closure and be okay with your passing, but it is easier said than done. I often look at our photos and wonder about the “what if” situations. Because of you, I am who I am; and because of your passing, I am an even stronger individual. The feeling of missing you never quite goes away, but time does heal.

You missed milestones

You never got to see high school graduations, drivers’ licenses, your first grandchild, choir and band concerts or college acceptance letters. You will never get to walk me down the aisle or see me graduate from college. You might not be here physically to see all of life happenings, but you are always in my heart. I hope I have made you proud with the ventures I have accomplished in life so far.

I am moving on

I can’t let the hardship of your passing define the life I am going to live. Dad, you are not forgotten and never will be. But life does go on. I am so thankful to have known you for the amount of time I did. I am so thankful for your love and the memories we made together.

I still wish you were here to see my siblings and I grow up. I wish that things would have gone differently that day. I wish I could still call you on the phone or hear your voice one more time. I wish I didn't get jealous when I see others girls with their dads. I wish you were still here for the holidays. But life had other plans for you. I still love you and I want you to know you might be gone, but are not forgotten.

So here's to you, a caring father, a great husband, a hilarious man, a supportive friend and a hardworking individual. We love you, Dad, and miss you so much. A lot has changed but our love and memories don't fade.