The photo above is obviously not me. It's Tess Holiday, one of my role models (alongside Rebel Wilson and Melissa McCarthy). Note: Names were very much changed during this article!
No, I do not expect you to sympathize with me. I do not expect any pity. And I refuse to acknowledge the backlash that will follow once this article is published; so allow me use your words before you have a chance to post them.
"You're fat."
"You need to lose some weight."
Thank you. I have been on a long journey to do so, but the process won't complete itself overnight.
"You're promoting obesity."
No, I understand my situation completely. I am a big girl. I realize the health issues that are associated with being overweight and I am constantly changing my lifestyle in order to improve my health.
Also, "Being big can be beautiful." This statement is incorrect, because being big is beautiful. As long as you're healthy and taking care of your body, you're beautiful.
"Maybe you should go on a treadmill."
Oh, believe me I do! I also do yoga. My splits are A1.
"You're ugly."
It's OK if you think that. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You're negativity won't affect my awesomeness in anyway. At least it definitely won't today because I've learned to improve myself mentally and physically. I've learned to love myself and have used my past experiences to mold a better me.
It was two summers ago that I was fresh out of high school. I was accepted into a summer program with 20 unique students and for six weeks I'd never felt so ugly. Here's my story.
With the exception of one student, I was essentially the biggest girl in the program. I was overexcited to be independent, because this would be the first time that I'd be away from home. I was already drafting my reinvention the moment I turned my tassel and threw my cap.
I came to Drew with high hopes. "I'm a college student now." Those words would circle my thoughts like a broken record. I was a first generation college student with a single mother who came from Vietnam. I was so proud of myself, especially since I received a full ride. I walked through Asbury's (a residence hall) doors like I was Beyoncé and everyone else was Michelle.
That moment was brief because -- like every single girl in the history of forever -- I immediately compared my self to everyone else in the room. Sitting in the corner of the lounge were Sonny and Alex, the two girls who would end up being my close friends that summer. In the group, I was obviously the D.U.F.F (thanks, Kody Kiplinger): the designated ugly fat friend. However, Sonny and Alex always made me feel Sasha fierce. Their kindness equaled their beauty and they were goddesses. Unfortunately, they are not the villains in this story (sorry, guys). If anything, they were my fairy Godmothers that stuck with me through thick and thin.
Let's introduce another character. We'll call her Vick, for now (think Icky Vicky from the "Fairly Odd Parents").
It was day four, and Vick made a comment about how she didn't want to be fat and ugly, so she would be eating a salad for the day. Mind you, she said this as I was stuffing my face with cheese fries and mint chocolate chip Ice-cream.
I couldn't avoid the comments. No matter how much I tried. The program entailed the group to be together at almost all times for six straight weeks. Don't get me wrong. I loved almost every single minute of the program. It opened doors for me that I would never even dream about. The rigorously academic course load formed an even more dedicated student (who already had a 4.0 in high school #werk). It was only the few minutes during breakfast, lunch and dinner that would make me feel like I wasn't good enough.
It's crazy how a few words can change you, Vick would constantly bring up "fat people" during conversations, and it hurt. The built-up anger from the inner fat girl eventually unleashed and, unfortunately, Sonny was the victim. "Wow, a salad. Sonny, like, are you anorexic, or something?"
I chuckled out of anxiousness and realized the mistake as soon as it left my mouth. Sonny looked at me with disgust and the conversation following my statement was very much needed. I apologized, not out of embarrassment, but out of pure regret. I was put in my place and I am so glad that Sonny stopped me in my tracks. I can't believe that I had the audacity to shame someone for their weight. Yes, skinny shaming is very much a thing and instead of being the victim, I became the bully.
It was Sonny's conversation that pushed me to confront Vick a week later (which was also two days before the program ended.) For whatever reason, drama erupted during the very last week and I ended up in the middle of it. Vick was clearly upset, but I confronted her at the worst possible time. My eyes were watery, my voice was cracking and I said:
"I just wanted you to know that it upsets me when you make statements about being big. I was wondering if you could not say it anymore when we eat?"
It took all of my courage to say those two sentences. The words tumbled out of me and, at one point, I didn't think I'd be able to finish. She eyeballed me and simply walked away without a word.
The next day during lunch, she sat down with a salad and announced to the table (for the millionth time), "I'm eating this salad and working out today just so I won't end up fat and ugly."
I. Have. Never. Been. So. Betrayed. In. My life (actually I have, but I really want this moment to be as dramatic for my readers as it was for me). I cried and confronted her friends to let them know that I was upset, but they told me that Vick could care less, that she was happy I was crying. I was indirectly fat-shamed, and it hurt because I was so vulnerable. I understand that the circumstances could have been worse, but I wanted to share my brief experience with you.
I want everyone to know that statements like that can be very detrimental to one's health. Insults are insults, even if they are indirect. They hurt just as much. Trying not to listen is difficult, especially if some one is talking about your appearance. My advice to you would be to nip it in the bud. I should have confronted Vick the moment it happened. I allowed the situation to escalate and suffered because of it. Since then, I have used this experience as an example for similar situations today.
Speak up! And don't wait.
I don't have any harsh feelings towards Vick, today, because I have learned to let the past be exactly what it is: the past. Besides, it's two years later, I'm a size 16 and I'm still crushin' it!
