Thanksgiving has always been a big deal in my family. Ever since I can remember, we have a huge family get together where we catch up and just spend time together. When I was growing up, I assumed everyone celebrated Thanksgiving like my family and I did. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized it was totally the opposite. Not everyone had over 30 people at alternating houses where we received a letter in the mail weeks prior about what to bring to eat. Not everyone cooked two turkeys and had only a little left over. Not everyone gathers in a big circle before eating, holds hands, and individually says what they are thankful for. My family does all of these things and so much more every year.

And every year, as we are gathering in a circle, I panic a little bit. I’ve gotten better over the years, but I always forget about it until I get there. Then I frantically try to think of what I’m thankful for. When I was little, I could get away with saying I was thankful for food, family, and friends; short and sweet (much like myself when I was little). But now? My family wouldn’t judge, but I feel like I always have to say more. I’m older now, I have more things going on in my life than when I was younger and more things to be thankful for. But like every year, I never know what to say.

I watch as my uncles and aunts thank their spouses and kids, tearing up over how thankful they are and how much they love their families. I always smile and try my hardest not to cry along with them. I join my family in teasing my uncle who always tears up and always seems to be one of the first to go. I watch as my mom goes and looks at my dad and my siblings and me, and it’s at this moment that I have the hardest time not crying.

My family has always been this huge support system behind me through every step in my life. Even though I live kind of far removed from the majority of my mom’s side of the family, the instant we’re all together it’s like we’ve seen each other every day. Although I only see some of my family once a year at Thanksgiving, I know they would have my back any day of the year. They are always there and supportive even though we don’t talk. It took me a long time to figure out that this is what family means. And I get to have that kind of family. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky, but here I am.

By the time it gets close to my turn, I start to try and figure out what I’m going to say. I’ve never been good with words out-loud. On paper, I can whip out a kick-butt paper or speech in a short amount of time, but that’s when I have time to think and put it on paper. Then I can read it, no biggie. But coming up with something on the fly? I’m pretty bad at it. I’ve gotten significantly better now that I’m in college and have come out of my shell, but I’m still not the best. So, I panic a bit about what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it. My family always does such an elegant job that I’m left going, “I have to compete with that?”. But it’s something I’m happy to have to compete with. I don’t know what I would do without my family, and Thanksgiving is a time where I realize how special my family truly is.

It’s what I’m most thankful for every year and will always be what I am most thankful for. Now the other stuff I’m thankful for? I’ll think of it right before I share.