FAKE NEWS: Trump Ignites World War III

FAKE NEWS: Trump Ignites World War III

Trump's tweets have officially crossed the line with another dangerous world leader.
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LONDON, ENGLAND (Odyssey) - United States President Donald J. Trump has struck a match on the figurative tinder of the world's next massive, global conflict. In disturbing unity with Albert Einstein's famous quote, "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones," no one could have expected the weapons and battleground with which this war is being established - tweets on the popular social media app, Twitter.

Early Sunday morning, President Trump tweeted at North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, tempting the tiger to respond with force: "Kim Jong-un should be renamed Kim Jong-buffoon, absolutely terrible leader and he's not scaring anyone with his new ICBM's, they're probably about as short-range as his height is! Sad!"

Kim Jong-un himself is reported to have taken control of North Korea's official twitter account, which responded briefly to President Trump's tweet, saying: "I'll show you short-range, Chester the Cheetah."

Though a vague threat, and ironically written in short-form, the North Korean government have yet to follow up on it, though Washington is closely monitoring the situation.

In a surprising turn of events, Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has also chimed in on Twitter through his official account: "@realDonaldTrump Donny, sweetie... you're not going to respond to this weasel? Sad." Trump's thumbs warmed up to this, as the President then sent out a long thread of insults, false information, claims about political correctness ruining American society and even a tweet which contained a nonsensical word remiscent of "Covfefe" which was later deleted. The thread was meant to be aimed at Jong-un, but was clearly just the ramblings of an old, delusional man-child.

After Trump let his screen rest, Putin sent a response which tagged the North Korean page, saying only: "Ha ha ha... I told you I could get him going, Kim. You owe me five rubles. Putin, out." Jong-un responded through the North Korean page, using three of the "crying-laughing" emojis, a bomb emoji and a clock emoji. American agencies are working to decode the North Korean Supreme Leader's ominous tweet, looking for any hints in the clock emoji at a timeline for when they could launch the first missiles of the war.

The end of this 2017 version of the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand came when Trump tweeted one last time, writing: "Kim, if you try us, we will try you right back. And Puty, that was mean. Why are you always picking on me? Maybe we'll try you too, Russia! (Call me, xo)."

After witnessing what could be the most immature and confusing beginnings to an international conflict with potentially millions of lives at stake, this reporter cannot help but think of Drake's immortal lyrics, "Trigger fingers turn to Twitter fingers."

- Spencer Cowley, Odyssey

This article is completely satirical. If you read it as serious, don't feel bad, nobody would be that surprised.

Cover Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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To The Stoneman HS Colorguards

We are all with you and thinking of you at this time.
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When I was fourteen years old, I had just begun to explore the world of colorguard. I went to seven am rehearsals every day with my older brother which I thought was the coolest thing, I traveled for contests and experienced winterguard for the first time as well. My parents always made it to my performances and always made sure to tell me how proud they were of me and loved me after everything I have done.

As it has come to light that one of the victims of the Stoneman Douglas HS shooting in Florida was a fourteen-year-old girl by the name of Gina Montalto who had just begun her journey into a sport that I fell in love with so many years ago.

She was set to perform at her first WGI regional this weekend in Tampa as well. She had the world ahead of her as she went to school on Valentine's Day thinking it would be like any other school day. She was probably preparing herself for her performance this weekend alongside many amazing teammates who I have no doubt pushed her to be an amazing performer.

All I have seen is that she was a sweet and kind young woman who I have no doubt was special. I also saw that she was just beginning a journey into falling in love with an amazing sport.

Many of you are probably asking yourselves why I am writing about someone I never knew at this point. WGI is a community that connects people in ways you never expect. You meet performers from all across the United States as well as internationally. Many are lucky enough to keep these friendships for life. Gina is a member of a large community that has been sending its love and thoughts to Florida during this tragic time.

The colorguard community has also been standing up and asking for a change to prevent violence like this from continuing. I have seen it across my social media feeds for the past day that each colorguard page I follow regardless if it is the official WGI page, people like PunkRockIrving, or teams from across the entire country, they all share a similar message. A message of condolence and prayer along with a request for a change to begin.

As the days continue to pass by and competitions seem to fly by for so many performers whether it be on your state's circuit or within WGI, hug your friends and your teammates a little tighter as you go on through your season this year. Be a voice in the community that so many have called a home and do not be afraid to speak up for what you believe in.

Show the members of Stoneman Douglas HS winterguards how appreciated they are this season if you ever get the chance. Their performers are some of the most dedicated that I have ever seen at World Championships and over social media. I have the utmost confidence that Gina's legacy will be carried with each of them as they perform.

Cover Image Credit: Stoneman Douglas HS

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Why I'm Pro-Choice

Abortion: a necessary evil.
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I live in a very conservative area, so the pro-choice/pro-life debate is usually a hot topic. When I see a post on Facebook arguing about abortion, I try to ignore it for the most part. I chime in every now and then, but I know that my opinions mostly fall on deaf ears. But today I have decided to take a stance: I am pro-choice, and I have something to say.

Let me start off by saying that I am not pro-abortion. I think abortion is terrible and it’s sad that it exits. But, I do think that abortion is necessary. In the 50s and 60s, before Roe v. Wade, the number of illegal abortions was astronomically high. The number of illegal abortions ranged anywhere between 200,000 and over 1 million each year. Out of these, almost 20% of all maternal deaths were a result of illegal abortions. (source)

Since the legalization of abortion, many women now have access to the proper medical care necessary for safe abortions. The amount of women that die as a direct result of abortion is almost non-existent. The past has proven that make abortion illegal wont stop abortions from happening. This will only increase the amount of unsafe abortions and the number of women who die from them.

My next opinion is bound to make some people upset but, until it reaches a certain age, there is no way for a fetus to survive on its own. At this stage in development, the fetus is essentially a parasite. A parasite is defined as “an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.” Until a fetus reaches the stage at which it is able to survive on its own, I do not consider it to be a person. It sounds harsh, but it’s simply the reality of the situation. The earliest that a fetus can survive outside of the womb is about 22 weeks. (source) Abortions rarely occur after this stage in a pregnancy, and when they do, it is only when a doctor says that it is medically necessary. As of now, almost 99% of abortions occur before the 21st week of pregnancy. (source)

A lot of people will argue that, “if you don’t want a baby, you shouldn’t have sex.” This, I believe, is an irresponsible statement to make. Yes, it seems like the obvious solution, but one that is impossible to enforce. Instead of shaming women for their sex lives, we should be encouraging and education on safe sex practices and making it easier for them to obtain contraceptives. This would greatly decrease the need for abortions because it would decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies overall. Not to mention that over half of the women that receive abortions already have at least one child. (source)

We can argue about whether or not life begins at conception. We can argue about religious or moral reasons for not having abortions. But the fact of the matter is: abortion is necessary, whether you like it or not.

Cover Image Credit: http://clipart-library.com/clipart/8i65erMbT.htm

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