"No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than
These broken parts
Pretend I'm something other than
This mess that I am
'Cause then I don't have to look at it
And no one gets to look at it
No, no one can really see" — "Dear Evan Hansen"
So I recently saw "Dear Evan Hansen" on Broadway in New York City which was absolutely amazing, let me tell you. The ending song "Words Fail" is one of the most emotional songs I have ever heard. The lyrics I have quoted above I have been playing over and over in my head and they have hit me hard.
Every day, I get up and go on Instagram. It's the first thing I do. I look at all these beautiful girls with their beautiful friends looking like they're having a beautiful time. We all compare ourselves to them. "I'm not that pretty or tan or skinny or having that much fun." I do it too. I am oh-so guilty of posting pictures that make me look fantastic and make it look that I am having the best time of my life.
But those are just posed pictures that I put a filter on to make it look like my life is all wrapped up in a perfect little Instagram handle. We like to pretend that we're this perfect unbroken version of ourselves when we're not.
And we're not supposed to be.
We are humans and God made us humans to be imperfect. We are all naturally sinful and have so many parts of us that we don't want anyone to know about. I have so many things I have done in my life that I am not proud of. I put together this internet persona where I look constantly happy and with friends and in a perfect relationship when that's not me.
And I think I am just tired of pretending to be this fake version of myself so here it goes, things you won't find on my Instagram:
Sometimes I get really sad.
Some days I get so anxious I can't function.
Some days I sleep too much.
Some days I eat more chocolate than should ever be consumed by one person in a day.
Sometimes I don't do my homework for class but still pretend like I know what I am talking about.
Some days I look in the mirror and hate what I see.
Sometimes I do things for the wrong reasons.
Some days I am self-righteous.
Other days I have zero self-confidence.
Sometimes my relationship is not at all perfect.
Some days I don't talk to God enough or at all because I think I am too busy.
Sometimes I just think I don't need God.
There are days that I think I am not worthy of any love.
A lot of days I fail at being a good friend.
I do things that I am not proud of.
But you won't find these things on my Instagram.
Yet we all have them, we all have things that we don't show to the world. So here I am giving a glimpse at the real person I am. I am imperfect but I think that's the beautiful thing about humanity and our relationship with God. No matter how hard we try to be perfect, we just won't be. And we need Jesus for that reason. He knows the absolute worst and darkest parts of us, yet still loves us more than anybody on Earth ever could.
Just remember that next time you see all these beautiful people with other beautiful people that get thousands of likes on their picture, that they are putting out the most perfect version of themselves possible and they still have as many broken parts as you or I have. We are all beautifully imperfect, yet forever forgiven and loved by Christ.
