I was told in high school that college is a really hard time for people who struggle with their faith. I was told that those who questioned the Lord’s existence would have a hard time with accepting that there are some things in life that cannot be proven. I thought that couldn’t possibly be me. I go to church every Sunday and I go to youth group every Sunday night. I’m one of the few people my age who actually believes that nothing is greater than the One who has given it all to us.
In high school, I had the strongest relationship with God. I prayed, I wrote in journals, I listened to Christian worship music and I talked about Him with my friends. I felt everything was OK and everything was going my way. Every year, I would partake in a retreat called Luke 18. For those of you who aren’t Catholic, Luke 18 is a retreat that young people go on in order to be confirmed. Why is it called Luke 18 you ask? Luke 18 is a chapter in the bible. Luke 18:16-17 reads: “Let the little children come to me. Do not stop them; for it is such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.”
This is representative of all those wishing to be confirmed as members of the church following God toward the kingdom of heaven. I was confirmed in eighth grade. Freshman year of high school, we were given the opportunity to lead this retreat. My friends and I all pounced at the chance to go on this eye-opening weekend with our “God-high.” Gradually, as high school moved forward, a lot of my peers stayed behind. By senior year, there were only five seniors leading the retreat out of hundreds who were given the option. Regardless of what my friends did, I decided to stay strong and place my faith in God for every single one of those weekends. I realized that it shouldn’t just be those weekends I should give up, but every weekend. No I don’t mean not have a life outside of the Church, I mean keeping God in mind. I don’t have to be surrounded by God-lovers to experience my own “God-high.” I just needed God and some focus.
With my final Luke 18 retreat last year, I kind of left my faith behind. No, I am not proud to admit this, but I need to. I used to revel in the wonder that was God and everything He’s done for us. Recently, I haven’t even been able to stay on task. Sure, I think about God a lot. Sure, I think about going to church every Sunday. I need to. I need to take action instead of just being in my own mind. I’m out of my comfort zone. I’m in an unfamiliar place. It shouldn’t matter where I am, as long as I’m surrounded by those who believe what I believe. That is one of the many reasons I chose a Christian university.
However, every time I listen to the song “Oceans” by Hillsong United, I’m taken back to that place. I’m taken back to Luke 18 back at home. I’m taken back to where I would feel completely joyful, stressless, and full of God’s love. I need to go back to that state. There was comfort in believing in something bigger than me. There was comfort that knowing some things are just completely out of your control. It’s freeing. Somehow, I will bring myself back to God. But for now, I’ll just listen.
“Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You’ve never failed and You won’t start now. So I will call upon Your name, and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine.”
