To the boy who brought me so much pain,

It's been a while since we last spoke and I realized I left a lot of things unsaid. So instead of letting you assume incorrectly about my feelings, I thought I'd let you know, so here it is.

Everyone has their fair share of regrets and mistakes. Whether that regret is a decision you made or a friend you made or maybe even a friendship you ended; mistakes and regrets are things that embody what life is.

While we can choose to bathe in these regrets or mistakes we made, I think it's very important to find the silver lining in every situation.

That's what I did when it came to you. I decided to not hold on to the mistakes we made or the pain you caused me; instead, I have chosen to see the good even in such a bitter and heartbreaking situation.

The way I see it is, we can sit back and replay the good times, we can sit back and figure out where everything went so wrong and beat ourselves up over it, or we can move on, with more strength then we had before.

You were a person I wholeheartedly trusted and cared about; I really did think I loved you. But as the months past, I realized something, love isn't supposed to hurt.

When I met you, I was young and naive. I saw the light in your eyes and couldn't shake the feeling I had whenever I was around you. Our life together was so special and important to me. You made me feel things I had never felt before. I was young and in love with who I thought was the most special person in the world.

I felt safe around you. I thought I could open up to you about my life and my past and my hopes and aspirations; so I did just that. I exposed every part of myself to you from my first childhood memory to the painful times I've experienced. You became one of the few people in my life that knew every single thing about me. I did all that because I trusted you and saw a future with you.

But that right there was the problem. I was young. Who was I to even begin to think about a future with someone before I even got the opportunity to fully explore myself as an individual?

I was so hung up on the "us" I forgot about the "I."

When our relationship went south, I tried so hard to look for excuses to dismiss the pain you were causing me. I thought that because I loved you I should give you countless chances.

But I was wrong.

In even the most painful times you caused me, I have chosen to find the good from it.

Because of you, I learned what love IS NOT.

I learned how to stand up for myself and how to prioritize my own needs and not think of this as selfishness.

You taught me the value in loving myself and having an identity.

Losing my best friend was such a difficult reality to face because I came to you with everything. Whether it was a bad test grade I got or how my mom annoyed me that day, no matter what kind of shitty day I had, you were there to make it better. I got comfortable with the security of having you in my life and forgot that I possessed all the tools to make myself feel better.

I could choose to hate you for the pain you brought into my life, I could hate you for the times you failed to stand up for me, I could hate you for breaking my heart and my spirits. I could honestly hate you for countless reasons.

But what I have learned is that I don't hate you. Instead, I chose to thank you for all the lessons you taught me.

I was taught that you cannot forget to value yourself while valuing someone else.

While we both know I could easily think of our past and you in a negative light, I have chosen to embrace the pain, learn from my past and grow into myself as an individual.

And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,

The girl you thought you broke