In my mid-teens, I'd always been the girl with the winged eyeliner.
To me, drawing dark black lines across my eyelids with a hand as steady as a tightrope walker was a part of my routine. I knew how much time I needed to set aside each day before work or school to "expertly" craft a small flick of a line on either side of my face while allowing room for error.
My eyeliner was my identity. Without it, I didn't feel like myself. I didn't like the girl who stared back at me in the mirror with a bare face and the faintest splattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Without my eyeliner, I lacked confidence. Quite honestly, I didn't want to leave the house without makeup on. I knew that my attachment to this small object that seemingly held so much power was unhealthy, but it was a part of who I was and I couldn't imagine parting with it.
It wasn't until recently after a slight decline in my mental health that I put down the eyeliner. I took a step back, looked at myself (both literally and figuratively) and realized that the girl with the "going out" eye makeup and contoured cheekbones didn't look this way for herself, but rather she looked that way for other people. That's the thing though, those "other people" didn't care how I looked. They didn't care that I decided against putting my face on that day. They didn't care that my "identity" was missing. They cared about me and who I was as a person, not how I appeared physically.
So, I decided to simplify my life. I wanted to focus on me and my growth as an individual-- it's a huge goal of mine. I wanted to step outside of my comfort zone and be okay with a mostly natural version of myself. I wanted to be okay with putting my entire face on only on nights that I was going out with friends and wanted to look and feel my best. I wanted to be happy with my reflection and putting down the eyeliner gave me the confidence to do just that.
This isn't to say that I cut my makeup routine to nothing at all, that feels impossible for not only myself but many girls to do to themselves. However, eliminating the "dramatic" nature of my look and replacing it with one that simply enhanced my natural features was oddly comfortable. I liked who I saw in the mirror, I liked how I felt about myself and I liked feeling like my identity was no longer masked behind two inky lines above my eyes.
So I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and change something about your appearance that hangs over your identity like a cloak. Putting down the eyeliner was the key to loving myself and who I am as a person. Imagine what it could do for you.
