As far back as my elementary school days, I’d always thought of myself as an outgoing person. I worked extremely hard to convince myself and the people around me that I was a social butterfly and up for anything.

So naturally, when I first heard the terms introvert and extrovert, I automatically placed myself into the extrovert category because, in my mind, the word introvert had a negative connotation. I used it synonymously with words like “boring” or “nerd.” To me, these were not words that I wanted myself associated with. Because who wants to be friends with a boring nerd? Surely not anyone fun, I told myself.

Without much thought, it quickly became my top priority to outwardly align myself with the qualities of an outgoing person. I laughed the loudest, talked the most, and exhausted myself trying to get people to like me because everyone likes an extrovert, right?

I did this for longer than I’d like to admit. And it worked, to a certain extent.

I had a lot of friends who I thought liked me because I’d convinced them I was a people person, a person worth liking because of my outgoing personality. Whenever I was asked to describe myself, I made it a point to make “outgoing” the first attribute I listed. I don’t think I said the word “shy” out loud at all until I was in high school because I didn’t want the word anywhere near me.

When around other people, I constantly participated in conversations and I had a great group of equally outgoing friends. Naturally, I ignored the nagging feeling in my gut that told me I truly hated being so social.

This kept up until my sophomore year of high school, when I found myself in a Sociology course. We were assigned a project in which our first task was to take the personality test known as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). For this particular personality test, your end result is a combination of four letters. The first is either an E for extroversion or an I for introversion.

I took the test, fully convinced that my four-letter combination would start with an E. Imagine my surprise when I got my result and the first letter was an I. As I continued researching my personality type, I finally understood what it meant to be an introvert.

Introverts are not “nerds” and almost never “boring” as my childhood-self had thought. In reality, introverts can be introspective, deep-thinkers, observant, quiet, as well as a whole list of other great qualities. Most people fall into neither the completely introverted or completely extroverted category, a large portion of society falls somewhere in the middle.

Learning these things made me take a step back and really get to know myself. I came to the realization that I was so afraid of not fitting in that I made myself someone that I was uncomfortable being. I put myself into social situations that were terrifying and panic-inducing for me, all for the sake of trying to be like my extroverted friends.

You would think after all those years trying to convince myself and my friends that I could be a social butterfly that I’d actually become one. However, I’ve found that quite the opposite effect took place: I became even more of a wallflower.

I believe that it’s made me more socially reserved and introverted, and I’m okay with that. The parts of my life spent trying to quite literally talk myself into being an extrovert have made me quite fond of silence, and I appreciate being a listener in most conversations.

I was born an introvert, and if you ask me now I’ll you that it’s one of the best things about me. I’m shy until you get to know me, awkward in conversations, I covet my alone time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Embrace who you are, whether you’re naturally outgoing, shy, or somewhere in between. The world and your life will be better be because of it.