When I was younger, I would've always described myself as an extrovert. I was extremely sociable, talkative, and willing to take the lead on absolutely everything. I remember my parents when my parents went to parent-teacher conferences, the only "bad" thing they would be told was that I was a liiiiittle too talkative in class. I lived my life with rose-colored glasses, always trying to go out of my way to make people happy. I always admired that about myself. I was a dreamer, always willing to put myself out there and share my heart and opinions with the world.
If you're still not convinced that I was a chatty kid, here is some more evidence:
Lauryn Smith
For those of you who watched "Glee," I'm sure you're aware of the "Born This Way" episode where they all wear those shirts to embrace their flaws. And yes, in sixth grade, my friends and I dressed up like that for Halloween. If you look closely in the center, you will see me dressed up in my "chatterbox" shirt. I proclaimed my flaw to be the fact that I talked too much, so there you go.
As I have gotten older, I have started to see that side of me slowly start to fade away. Yes, I am still pretty talkative a lot of the time and would still describe myself as a natural-born leader. And yes, when I'm in the mood, I do love to go out and meet people. But nowadays, I am a lot more hesitant to speak my mind, especially in large groups. I used to love raising my hand in school, but now I really don't. I have also grown to enjoy my alone time, or at least time when I can wind down and reflect. I think one of the biggest changes is that I am now absolutely TERRIFIED of confrontation and feeling comfortable defending myself when faced with sticky situations.
I know a lot of these differences have developed as a result of anxiety that emerged when I was in high school, but I also think a lot of this has just me experiencing a reality check. I am no longer that happy-go-lucky kid who almost always has something to say. I have a much more realistic perspective and unfortunately have the tendency to see through people's bullshit a little too easily, which has caused more reluctancy in my interactions with people. Sometimes, it seems as though taking the introverted route is the easier route in a lot of situations.
So I'm sure you're wondering why I am so fascinated about deciding if I'm an extrovert or an introvert. A recent experience has got me thinking a lot about it. About a month ago, I attended a leadership convention for my sorority, where we met up with a bunch of SDT chapter executive boards from nearby schools. At this convention, we did a lot of brainstorming, team-building exercises, and reflecting on our own strengths and weaknesses as both individuals and as a chapter.
One of the activities that we did was all about our personalities and how they either work together or clash with other personality types and how this could influence our dynamic as an exec board. We were instructed to take the famous Myers-Briggs Personality Test and break up into groups based on our results. The Myers-Briggs Inventory is an introspective self-questionnaire where participants will answer questions regarding their preferences about how people perceive the world and make decisions. The test will assign you to a four-letter personality type based upon your answers. You will be assigned to a unique combination of letters from these four categories: E (extrovert) or I (introvert), S (sensing) or N (intuition), T (thinking) or F (feeling) and J (judging) or P (perceiving). To read more about or take the Myers Briggs test for yourself, click here.
Based on the answers I provided, I was assigned to be an ENFJ (extrovert, intuition, feeling, judging). I read the description as well as the strengths and weaknesses and was able to identify with a lot of the things on the list. These people are reliable, altruistic, and aren't afraid to put their hearts on the line for the people and things they love the most. However, they struggle to make tough decisions and have the tendency to overly idealistic about people or situations. At the very least, I was pretty certain that the "NFJ" part was true to who I was.
As a camp director who is always very interested in that social-emotional learning stuff, I was very excited to share all about the test with my mom.
As I shared with her everything that I had discussed and reflected on at the convention, the first thing she said to me was, "That all sounds good but I'm not really sure if you are an extrovert." I paused, giving her a weird look.
"You think?" I questioned her, trying to think about the past 19 years of my life and how I've gone about life.
"I mean, I don't know. I just don't think you enjoy putting yourself out there as much as you maybe used to."
The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right. Something that I had never really thought about before was how my interactions with people have changed greatly over the last few years. Yes, I sometimes still blurt things out every once in a while because I can't always help myself, but I've also kind of molded into this observer, analyst role in many situations. There are plenty of times when I am sitting with friends and not talking much—not because I have nothing to say or I'm upset or anything, but merely because I'm just trying to take the situation in and process it.
I think the reason why the test assigned me to the extrovert category is that I was answering the questions and expecting that as a result. I almost lied to myself when I was taking the test, and I remember hesitating to put a response down on the questions related to socializing and interacting (which now that I think about were definitely the questions related to introvert vs. extrovert). The fact that I thought I needed to fake it to myself is ridiculous because there is nothing wrong with being an introvert, and if I wanted an accurate result, I should have been answering the questions correctly. But I think deep down I had a fear of accepting that I was no longer that little chatterbox child.
I started doing research in the INFJ category and wasn't surprised to find a lot of overlap between the traits of ENFJs and INFJs. But shockingly enough, I felt even more connected to these descriptions. Some strengths of INFJs are their determination and passion, creativity, and a strong set of principles. They even mentioned that many are inspirational writers! However, their weaknesses lie in their perfectionism, ability to trust others, and their internal frustration as they try to solve interpersonal conflicts and confronting difficult or unpleasant situations. Like if this ain't me...
Oftentimes, society categorizes things into two distinct categories—either you're one or the other. I think that the debate of extrovert vs. introvert has always been controversial. There are many recent studies suggesting that there is a "third" category that is called ambivert, which is supposedly people who are a combination of the two. There are certainly many things that I do identify with that category. Yet I also feel like it's a bit of a cop-out because, let's face it, we could all say that we are extroverts and introverts in depending on the situation. But I think that's kind of been what I'm trying to say through this article. You don't need to fit any particular mold—you are allowed to change and adapt because of your experiences. I have always thought that I was an extrovert, but just because that's how I've always described myself doesn't mean I always have to be that way. It's taken me a lot of courage to admit this, but I think I am finally ready to accept my introverted-self as my reality. I am proud of the woman that I have become and need to start embracing every part of that.
