Writing a personal essay allowed me to go back to a moment from my past, allowing me to dissect why I am the way I am now.

For my Creative Nonfiction class, we had to dive headfirst into a scenario that impacted our lives for better or for worse. Because it's supposed to be the truth, as we remember it, we also had to recollect and incorporate dialogue. Well, the dialogue as we remember it.

I chose to talk about the struggles that I went through trying to express myself in a world where everyone is trying to mesh into being "different", yet different to the extent where it's socially acceptable. Since the majority of people are so worried about what others think of them, their persona shifts to their first priority, which happened to me for the longest time.

This is why, to this day, I have trouble expressing my thoughts vocally. It's also not easy for me to express my personality completely through what I wear since I've been conditioned to think twice before I slip something over my head.

I dug into my childhood to find examples where I conformed to society's standards, but I kept finding instances where I would have trouble doing so. I had different music taste growing up, so I felt it necessary to express that vocally. Whenever I would, I would immediately get bashed for it, making me feel wrong for liking what I liked.

I was like a turtle that kept retrieving into its shell. Once I had enough confidence to express something about myself, someone else always had something negative to say.

Nowadays, when I still take the road less traveled, I find myself in self-doubt for choosing to express myself differently than the rest. When this happens, I just respectably keep my mouth shut, knowing that my opinion would just be shut down.

But I've become so tired of having to keep my mouth closed because I have a different way of thinking.

Come to think of it, the reason why a lot of us have issues with expressing our feelings is that we're so used to brushing them under the rug. But in order to best deal with your emotions, it's to honor them and talk them out with someone you trust.

From my experience, I've been able to express my feelings better vocally. I take my time to process my emotions into words so that when I vocalize them, it makes sense to the listener.

My interests constantly change as I progress, so when I'm asked what my favorite movie is, or what my favorite food is, I can't narrow it down to one thing. That would be BOOOORING.

I couldn't just describe myself in a few words. My personality is way too complex for that.

Most times I would consider myself a living paradox, meaning that the only way to really express myself is to have no limits at all.

I am able to express myself in many ways. One day I can wear all black and dark lipstick, while the next few days I can wear nothing but color. It's my birthright to have many styles.

When I really sit back and think to myself, I start to realize that I've never really given myself the OK to let myself be my weird and wild self until recently. I've never given myself permission to put forth my best creativity.

I think it's time.

It's perfectly okay to be different without trying to be different.