It’s time to talk about a very important distinction, one that can be used across all areas of anyone’s life: the difference between an explanation and a justification. They are two words that are often used in the same kinds of contexts, and have similar meanings, but depending on the situation they aren’t interchangeable. An explanation for the reason that something happened is just finding out why something happened, a sort of factual approach. A justification, however, is saying whether or not it was okay that something happened—if why something happened was a good enough reason.
All too often when a person does something, usually a bad thing, others will come to the rescue with reasons as to why the person did said bad thing. Maybe they had a rough childhood, or their last relationship ended badly, or any other millions of reasons as to why someone did something. Not to belittle knowing why someone did something, but just because a reason exists doesn’t mean it’s a good reason. Having an explanation of some sort doesn’t automatically justify an action.
For example: I’ve had friends whose significant others would go through their phone and text messages. For me, that’s crossing a line, especially when the person who is having all of their things searched has never cheated. When I would say that, they’d tell me, “Oh, well their ex cheated on them so now they’re kind of paranoid.” Okay? Great? Join the club. Just because there was a reason, doesn’t mean that it was a good reason. We’ve all had bad relationships, but taking that out on your next partner in a controlling way isn’t really a justifiable action, because they aren’t the one who did you wrong.
It’s up to you to use your judgment to determine when the reason that someone is giving for an action really justifies it. When someone says that they don’t want to eat at a particular restaurant because they got violently ill after eating there before, I consider that a good justification. Or when someone didn’t do the homework for a class because they were in the hospital after a car accident, again I consider that a good explanation and a good justification.
That’s putting it into rather simple scenarios. But the same logic can be applied to almost any situation that leaves you with the feeling of, “Okay, I get it, but it still doesn’t seem to make complete sense.” If you’re having that feeling as someone is trying to explain their own actions of the actions of another, it’s probably because the explanation that they’re giving isn’t a justification. People who do awful things and try to blame it on an outside force are often trying to justify with their actions with something that is nothing more than an explanation. Because, after a while, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. While you may not be responsible for your past or your feelings, after a certain age you are responsible for your actions and their consequences.
Just because someone gives you an answer when you ask them a question, it doesn’t mean that their answer isn’t total BS. Just because someone gives an explanation for their actions in a certain situation, it doesn’t mean that it justifies their actions. I think that this is one of the hardest lessons to learn, but it is okay in certain circumstances to tell people that their reasons aren’t good enough. This logic works for every situation, from personal, romantic relationships, to professional relationships between coworkers, to how you view politicians and other people that are considered “elite” of some sort. Having an explanation of some sort is all fine and dandy, but having a good justification is so important.
To sum up, I will leave you with this:
Not all reasons are good reasons, and not all reasons justify actions. Just because someone can explain their actions, it doesn't make their actions okay.
