In my nearly 20 years of life I’ve learned something very important: not every friend you have has your best interest at heart. There are people that come into your life that are not meant to stick around, but the end can come easily, kind of like a slow fade. Other times it can be abrupt and unexpected. Later on you realize that the person held a piece of you, and your life has changed, whether it be slightly or dramatically.
These changes can be positive or negative. A negative change may cause you to see what you truly lost in that person; this may be motivation to work on a friendship and gain back that missing puzzle piece. Now, recently I’ve seen a lot of posts on Twitter about “toxic” people and friendships. A toxic friendship takes a toll on one or both people involved and is honestly unhealthy and mentally taxing. It can be hard to pinpoint a toxic friendship while consumed by one, but once the friendship is broken up and people can get their space, the positive change is incredibly noticeable.
I have experienced toxic friendships my entire life; sometimes I feel like a magnet for them. The first I can remember is from middle school, but my younger experience seems less crucial to the person I have become. As you grow older and you start to build yourself outside of your friends, the impact of losing a close friend really takes a toll on your character. My sophomore year of high school, my best friend texted me after school essentially saying she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. Avoiding giving me a reason or explaining herself, she told me not to sit with my best friends (or so I thought) at lunch and in the morning. I woke up with determination the next morning that I would find someone who would treat me better. I texted my other friend asking if I could join her and her friends for lunch and I started my day, eventually finding a group that actually wanted me around, unlike what I had experienced before.
As you get older it is easier to recognize when a friendship is not allowing you to shine. It may even take other people telling you they don’t like what you’ve become to help you realize the type of situation you are in. Every person that comes into your life is a lesson and they shape who you are as a person in one way or another. Through my experience the most common lesson I’ve learned is this: if they do not notice your absence, they do not appreciate your presence. In simpler terms, this means that if you are often left out or forgotten, your “friends” do not appreciate the amazing person you are and it is up to you to decide if they are worth the time or if you should just move on and find new people that constantly affirm how much they love you and love having you around.
If you find those loving friends early in life, you are among the luckiest; hold on to them and never let them go! For those that are not so lucky, like me, remember this: the struggle is half of the battle. You must weed through these people and have these experiences to build the person you are meant to be. It is never easy, but it is always worth it. You’re going to like the person you become and you’ll find people that appreciate your journey, not make it harder.
