“I don't really know where to start, and I don't want to start, because that means I'll actually have to accept the fact that you're gone... “

The circle of life doesn’t stop just because it loses one of its players. It almost seems unfair that when someone you know or love passes away and the world in its entirety doesn’t take even just a second to stop and acknowledge this person. Recently, my school suffered some huge losses and the impact seems evident around every corner.

Quite truly, the loss of someone, anyone really, has the potential to rock your world. The recent passing of my friend did exactly that. Not just because of the cherished memories he had given me, but because he was a son, brother, and friend for someone. Honestly, I didn’t really know how I was supposed to feel or what I was supposed to do. The concept of grief was completely foreign to me.

I’ve come to realize that grief is a weird thing. I have never had to grieve the loss of someone close to me until this year. After seeing, feeling, and hearing about it, I can confidently say that grief is indescribable. It’s every single emotion wrapped up in a different way depending on the person. One second you feel strong and the next you feel weak. Sometimes you’re happy, peaceful and able to reminisce about them, and sometimes you’re pissed, sad and confused as to why they are gone. But grieving looks different for everyone.

It’s hard to find words to console others who are grieving with you. It's hard to ignore that creeping doubt that you really have a right to grieve. It’s hard to feel what your feeling when there’s so much happening that you don’t even know where to begin.

For anyone who has lost a loved one, there may never be someone who can describe exactly how you’re feeling, but as I’ve dealt with grief this is what I have come to know.

It’s great to be strong for those around you, but if you burn yourself out in the process then that “strength” is not worth while. In a time of loss, it can be really easy to put yourself on the bottom of the list of your priorities but it is so SO important to take care of yourself. Even though you may not want to, be sure to eat and drink and express how you are actually feeling.

A person is not “dead” because they are not longer living on Earth, their spirit and legacy live on through others. Even when life gives you the sourest of lemons, you can use it to make something so sweet. My friend continues to inspire me every single day to live a life of making the world better, and every day I see how God is continuing to use him to reach others.

Being there for someone at a time like this simply means being there. There are people that process by talking to anyone who will listen and by leaning on the community around them; however, some people may not be so willing to show their need for others. When suffering, the dozens of texts you receive in the first 24 hours will probably remain unread because no amount of “How are you” or “I’m praying for you” will actually take away the sting of what has happened. There is a HUGE difference between someone saying “I’m here for you”, and someone actually being in the presence of you, even when you don’t necessarily ask. Having someone to simply play cards or laugh with you, regardless of how late it is, is all anyone really needs.

Even the loss of the perfect stranger can impact you, and that’s normal. The loss of a fellow human being can stir up emotions, thoughts, and memories you had no idea were festering within you. And that’s completely normal.

The entire time I talked with friends and family, I was listening for something profound to repeat back to those suffering more intensely than I was to try and relieve some of their pain. But if I’m being honest, I knew there was nothing I could say or do to mend what has happened. When suffering, you just kind of have to wait and trust and lean on those around you until it gets a little better (and it will, little by little).

The last thing that I learned from all this is: