The thing about shooting tragedies is that you never think they’ll hit so close to home – until they do.
In 2016, it’s sad that three words that can sum up the year we’ve been having are these: “Pray for ____.” It’s been a rough time. Almost every day something terrible happens somewhere around the world. Pray for Orlando. Pray for Dallas. Pray for Nice. Pray for the world.
In November 2015, the world was rocked by the mass shooting at the Eagles of Death Metal concert in Paris, which left 100 dead. It’s something straight out of a horror movie: Shots ring out, people scream, people hit the ground, people die.
But it didn’t happen to you. It didn’t happen in your hometown, at a show you were at. So you take a moment of sadness for those affected and move on with your life.
Until it does happen to you.
On June 10, 2016, I was having the time of my life seeing one of my favorite bands, Before You Exit – Connor, Riley and Toby McDonough – at the Plaza Live concert venue in Orlando. I thoroughly enjoyed the first opening act, Cade Larson, and instantly became a fan of his. God bless concerts for introducing you to new music.
The other opener was Christina Grimmie. I remember having watched her progress through on the NBC talent show The Voice, season six. Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine was her coach, and she ended up placing third overall. I didn’t follow her or her music closely after that, but boy, do I wish I had.
Christina’s talent was unparalleled. Her voice range was incredible, and the notes that girl could hit sometimes gave you chills. A bright light in a dark world, Christina was the singer-songwriter who stayed grounded in her faith, her fans and in doing what she loved.
As I watched her perform that night, I snapped photos and video clips. I didn’t know much of her music, but I sang along with her cover of “One Dance.” And later, when Before You Exit took the stage and brought her back out to do their cover of “Let It Go,” I sang along with them. I recorded probably half of the performance, because it’s one of my favorite covers and collaborations ever. If only I had known I had just witnessed Christina’s last performance.
After the show, I made my rounds around the room, talking with the band’s family and grabbing some merch. While I was at the merch table, Christina came out from backstage and walked over to her merch table, where a line of fans was waiting to greet her. I was probably 15 feet away from her and had been planning to jump into her line after, but I had to leave the venue to get something in my car for a friend. No re-entry was allowed.
I was a bit peeved, but my friend and I decided to walk around to the back of the venue where the tour bus was to wait for the Before You Exit boys to come out and greet fans.
We must have been there for all of five minutes before I heard what sounded like a speaker or large piece of equipment dropping from the side of the venue. I looked over to an open door where some people were standing, but didn’t see anything. I shrugged.
Less than a minute later, venue security came running at all of us, screaming “Run! Run! There’s a shooter!”
My friend started to take off, but I hesitated. Was this some sick ploy to get us all away from the buses so the boys could leave in peace? Then I thought, who would joke about a shooter? So we ran. We jumped into a random fan’s van, and they drove us to my car at the front of the venue.
Orlando police and emergency vehicles swarmed the venue, and my friend and I sat in my car, bewildered, in shock and needing answers. We found out from a friend who had still been inside the venue that the boys were safe and no fans had been shot. But Christina had.
The rest of the night is a bit of a blur. We gave a verbal statement to police on what we had experienced. We gathered with a few other fans and the boys back at the bus and held each other and cried and prayed for Christina. We cried to the point of exhaustion when we found out Christina hadn’t made it.
The boys were grieving the loss of someone who was like a sister to them, and yet they were concerned about their fans. Despite the trauma, they stayed out back to talk with, cry with and hug everyone, even bringing out snacks and water to those who needed it. It’s something you never think you’ll experience – until you do.
Just more than two months have passed, and it still hits me sometimes. I’m living my life and healing, but I worry about Connor, Toby and Riley. I ache for the Grimmie family. Sometimes my own emotions are triggered as I reminisce. We are all healing, but we are all still broken.
My newest tattoo, the word “radiate,” is partially in honor of Christina and the joy, love and life she radiated. You can read the whole story behind it here, but every time I look at my arm I’m reminded to strive to live my life more like Christina did, with passion, compassion and undying faith in God.
I don’t know why it had to happen, and even as a Christian who believes everything happens for a reason and God has a plan, I struggle to understand why this was part of the plan. But I do know Christina impacted so many people through her music and her zest for life, and her legacy lives on through both.
