I've previously been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and panic disorder, which are all relatively common. With all the panic and anxiety attacks I've had since I was 9 years old, it was no surprise to find out I had anxiety and depression. One day, I was explaining what I was going through to my mother and she wondered if I had bipolar disorder. I kind of shrugged it off, not thinking about it too much. That is until my psychiatrist gave me a test to determine if I had bipolar disorder.
My entire life I thought bipolar people just changed moods frequently like they could be perfectly content one minute then be angry the next. Sometimes it can be like that, but ultimately, it's much different.
I go through phases. These phases can last days, weeks, even months. I have a phase where I eat a TON; I have one where I eat almost nothing throughout the day. I have a phase where I'll sleep for 14 hours a night for several days in a row; then, I have a phase where I can't fall asleep and can't stay asleep through the night.
The phases aren't just with my habits, but also my moods, which is the part that sucks the most, honestly. Some weeks I feel super insecure and am harder on myself than anyone you know. Sometimes I'm very content with myself. I'll feel confident about the way I look and the way I act. Sometimes I'll be super outgoing and peppy, eager to make everybody's day better. Some days, I just don't have it in me to get up out of bed or off the floor, but that's a mixture of my bipolar disorder and my depression.
I still have some trouble coming to terms with my bipolar disorder. Quite honestly, I hate having it. It can be hard when you're in an irrational mood and don't realize how irrational you're being until afterward. It's hard waking up each day and hoping today will be better than yesterday. It's okay though because I understand that it's a real thing I have to learn to control.
Being bipolar is by no means fun, but when you accept that it makes you who you are, it's easier to open up and talk about it.
