My grandpa once told me this: "Sometimes, if you feel like it, its healthy to just sit and be sad". When we're sad, most of us have learned the automatic response of "I'm fine" or "I'm okay". But, what if you just let yourself be sad for a little while. What if you took the time to embrace your deepest, saddest emotions.
Let yourself wonder "What if things turned out better", "What if I did things differently" or "What if I knew then what I know now". Let yourself wish for the things you want but do not have, experience melancholy. Your grief can humble you; it can make known what is truly valuable to you and what is worth living for. As I look back on the things I've lost in life- a lost friendship, a lost love, a lost dream- I understand that I cannot get these things back exactly as they were. Experiences and people are irreplaceable; each moment and relationship that we have is absolutely unique. This adds value to each of our life experiences, even the ones that we wish happened differently or never happened at all. How do we deal with those feelings of regret? How do we cope with loss?
Accept that life will always be changing, but find the things within yourself that are constant-- the things that make you come alive and drive you to wake up every morning with a smile.
A simple example of this in my own life is how I deeply missed the camaraderie and competition of high school basketball during my first year of college. I felt like I had lost my identity as an athlete and wasn't sure who I was when I wasn't a basketball player. However, I realized how much I enjoyed all the free time I had without competitive sports. So, I joined intramural sports, and I've taken up new sporty hobbies like rollerblading. When I graduate college, maybe I'll get a gym membership; if I make it to ninety years old, I'm sure I'll go on a walk every morning and be an avid spectator of sporting events on the weekends. My point is, our truest passions can live on for a lifetime. And, loss is the perfect indicator of what we truly care for and desire. Moving on from high school basketball is not nearly as difficult as losing a loved one, but I've found that both circumstances can be approached similarly. The extent and depth that an emotion affects us will vary from experience to experience, however the essence of an emotion remains the same throughout.
If you lose something or someone you love, and it means enough to you, there is a way to let that love live on. Let it create a mark on your heart that impacts how you go forward in life, what you invest in, and how you make choices and treat others. You can develop a greater understanding of your desires and be more intentional with your actions and decisions, deepening your level of care and sense of integrity.
There is no shame in accepting loss, change, or failure. There is so much value in allowing yourself to grow as time and circumstances change. It is okay to be sad about the things you don't have anymore. But, allow your sadness to motivate you. There is always a new way to invest in the things you love and to do the things that make you feel alive.
