I have always been a bit of a perfectionist. For most of my life, I considered it one of my greatest strengths, synonymous with words such as conscientious and hardworking. A couple of years ago, I noticed that it was making a slide into my "greatest weaknesses". Originally, this occurred merely as a strategy on my job applications: the classic "make your weaknesses look like strengths" maneuver. However, as time went on, I began to recognize perfectionism for what it really was: a crippling handicap.

For one thing, it caused me to close a lot of doors before really exploring far beyond them. If I couldn't do something incredibly well right away, it wasn't for me and I wrote it off as something I would never be able to do. This caused me to quit a lot of sports after one season and to put a temporary end to a lot of things that I loved: music, writing, art, acting, etc. Thankfully, I was eventually convinced to rethink these decisions, and two of those things make up my current major. It is scary to think about how close I came to committing my life to something that didn't make me happy.

In addition to making me give up on activities, my perfectionism became very mentally draining. I would overexert myself on a simple school project and never be happy with the outcome. There was always something I could have done better. I compared myself to other people all the time without ever considering the amount of time and effort it took them to become good at something. I would listen to professional singers, for example, and think "Wow. I'll never do that." Or, worse, "I wish I had been born with that talent." The constant comparison caused me to become very angry with myself. There was an ongoing feeling of failure that I couldn't shake.

A couple of things changed that helped me to escape this mindset. As I graduated and entered college, at that period of transition in which everything was changing, it seemed I could look at everything more objectively. I realized how unhealthy it was to think the way that I was thinking and I took a couple of measures to resolve my problem. My parents gave me a journal called Wreck This Journal which was exactly what it sounds like. I would purposefully spill coffee on a page, punch holes in another, rip one out and ball it up, etc. This helped me to be less concerned with keeping things perfect. I was also suddenly surrounded by an atmosphere of learning. Going to an arts school, I was surrounded by people who excelled at all kinds of creative activity, but I also lived with them. I saw how they spent their time practicing, making mistakes, and always learning. I grew to love this atmosphere. It didn't bring down my spirits as my comparisons used to do; it stimulated and inspired me.

So, my note to any perfectionist out there: do NOT feel like a failure just because you aren't good at something right away. Nobody is. Skill takes practice and a lot of mistakes. It takes resiliency and determination. Don't allow yourself to become unhappy with yourself or what you do simply because it takes a little effort to get better. Allowing yourself to thrive in the environment of skill development can be one of the most rewarding things you will ever experience.