Being Catholic and transgender are just two of the many aspects of myself that I take great pride in. However, many, if not most, people are shocked to learn that I am both Christian and trans. Honestly, I can’t say I blame them. In our society, it seems that simultaneously belonging to the LGBTQ and Christian communities is a massive paradox. I struggled for years to reconcile my faith with my true identity. Now, as a 20-year-old college sophomore, I am confident in who I am and in what I believe.
Not surprisingly, I have experienced hate, disguised as fear and born of ignorance. Long before I even considered coming out, I was exposed to bigotry fueled by the catholic church. The message I got was clear: any lifestyle other than heterosexual and cisgender was unacceptable in God’s eye. Religious leaders claim that we are a threat to the world. They preach that who we are is a sin, and not only that it can be cured—but that it must.
When I came to the realization that I am trans, I was scared. I truly believed that God hated me. I thought I was disgusting and worthless. At this time, I was 14, and I would have done anything to be “normal.” It took years to overcome this train of thought so that I could love and accept myself. That’s not to say much has changed. I still get told that I’m going to hell. Multiple sources claim that God hates me, and they suggest I should repent. And while my train doesn’t run along those tracks anymore, hate still causes fleeting moments of inferiority. Then I remember that God made me trans and loves me unconditionally, and being myself is not a sin.
Scorn was something I was prepared for. I would have been naïve to assume there wouldn’t be people who opposed me. What I wasn’t prepared for, however, was compassion.
My family and friends have always been accepting and supportive. My aunt, who is very religious, had absolutely no qualms and still wanted me to accompany her to Christmas Eve mass, which has long been our tradition. I am lucky enough to have found welcoming environments, where I am valued for who I am.
I attend college at Saint Xavier University, a small Catholic school that prides itself on eight core values, one of which is compassion. This school has become my home, and I would not have it any other way. I feel so welcome and loved here, among my peers, the faculty and the staff. Our Campus Ministry Department was one of the first places I became involved with, and it has truly shaped me. I am openly trans, and the community here is wonderful. I have participated in, and led, the retreats they offer which have strengthened my spirituality in ways I never thought possible. I am asked to take part in service opportunities. I get to contribute at Sunday Mass. Last April, I was confirmed in our chapel, which solidified my connection with God. I can honestly say I have never been happier.
Compassion does not replace hate, or make it hurt any less. What it does is provide is a better environment and room to grow. It keeps one from being pushed and confined into a box where they lose themselves. Luckily for me, I am out of that box. This journey has definitely not been an easy one, but every experience has put me on the path has led me to where I am now, which I am incredibly grateful for. I know that I will continue to grow in many ways, and I’m not sure where that will lead me. What I do know is this: I am a proud Catholic trans man who has the ability to spread and receive love.
