Expectation Is The Root of All Heartache

Expectation Is The Root of All Heartache

Just because you are expected to be something, doesn't mean you have to be that.

Expectations are my worst enemy. I hate being expected to be something that I'm not. I hate being expected to feel a certain way. I hate feeling trapped inside my own brain, because I'm expected not to have my own feelings. I hate being expected to be happy all the time. Most of all, I hate being expected to be someone that I'm not.

Lately, I've realized that I don't have to live up to expectations. I don't have to let someone's expectations control my life. I've always said I was an independent person, but I the last two years of my life, I've let one person completely control me. I've never been as unhappy with myself as I have been the last two years. I think we are all trying to become a better version of ourselves. I know I've struggled with this for years. I've been told what I should and shouldn't be. I've been told what I should and shouldn't do. It's all annoying really; I am so tired of trying to conform to what I'm expected to be. I am expected to be humble, slow to anger, non-judgmental, intelligent, etc. Though, all of these things are great qualities and things that I should be, the truth is, I am still human and I fail.

I'm probably the most insecure person you'll ever meet, because I try to impress everyone. I wear more makeup than I should, because I think it's going to cover up my imperfections. I know that makeup can't fix my problems, but it makes me feel more accepted than without it. My insecurity is my biggest flaw, but I'm trying to fix that.

I'm currently getting rid of the toxicity and negativity in my life. I feel like ridding myself of that toxicity is good for me. Though what I leave behind makes me sad, I know it's not healthy to be dwelling on something that continually makes me unhappy. As crazy as it sounds, I finally feel like I am free to become whoever I want to be. Though, I still often find myself trying to be something that I'm not. I have to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to live up to expectations others have for me. I'm never going to be who someone else wants me to be and that's fine with me.

I came across an F. Scott Fitzgerald quote that really hits home to me--"For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over."

I have high expectations for myself, but most of all, I just want to be happy. I think I'm on the right track to becoming who I'm meant to be. The things I now surround my life with make me genuinely happy. I'm beginning to feel like the life I'm living is one I can be proud of. I know now that even if I fail, I will somehow find the strength that F. Scott Fitzgerald is referring to.

Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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30 Things I'd Rather Be Than 'Pretty'

Because "pretty" is so overrated.

Nowadays, we put so much emphasis on our looks. We focus so much on the outside that we forget to really focus on what matters. I was inspired by a list that I found online of "Things I Would Rather Be Called Instead Of Pretty," so I made my own version. Here is a list of things that I would rather be than "pretty."

1. Captivating

I want one glance at me to completely steal your breath away.

2. Magnetic

I want people to feel drawn to me. I want something to be different about me that people recognize at first glance.

3. Raw

I want to be real. Vulnerable. Completely, genuinely myself.

4. Intoxicating

..and I want you addicted.

5. Humble

I want to recognize my abilities, but not be boastful or proud.

6. Exemplary

I want to stand out.

7. Loyal

I want to pride myself on sticking out the storm.

8. Fascinating

I want you to be hanging on every word I say.

9. Empathetic

I want to be able to feel your pain, so that I can help you heal.

10. Vivacious

I want to be the life of the party.

11. Reckless

I want to be crazy. Thrilling. Unpredictable. I want to keep you guessing, keep your heart pounding, and your blood rushing.

12. Philanthropic

I want to give.

13. Philosophical

I want to ask the tough questions that get you thinking about the purpose of our beating hearts.

14. Loving

When my name is spoken, I want my tenderness to come to mind.

15. Quaintrelle

I want my passion to ooze out of me.

16. Belesprit

I want to be quick. Witty. Always on my toes.

17. Conscientious

I want to always be thinking of others.

18. Passionate

...and I want people to know what my passions are.

19. Alluring

I want to be a woman who draws people in.

20. Kind

Simply put, I want to be pleasant and kind.

21. Selcouth

Even if you've known me your whole life, I want strange, yet marvelous. Rare and wondrous.

22. Pierian

From the way I move to the way I speak, I want to be poetic.

23. Esoteric

Do not mistake this. I do not want to be misunderstood. But rather I'd like to keep my circle small and close. I don't want to be an average, everyday person.

24. Authentic

I don't want anyone to ever question whether I am being genuine or telling the truth.

25. Novaturient

..about my own life. I never want to settle for good enough. Instead I always want to seek to make a positive change.

26. Observant

I want to take all of life in.

27. Peart

I want to be honestly in good spirits at all times.

28. Romantic

Sure, I want to be a little old school in this sense.

29. Elysian

I want to give you the same feeling that you get in paradise.

30. Curious

And I never want to stop searching for answers.
Cover Image Credit: Favim

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To My Little Sister, Don't Wish For Time To Move Faster, Soak Up The Stage Of Life You're In

Live in the moment and you will come out having no regrets.


To my best friend,

Time goes by quickly, do not wish it away. Enjoy living in the moment you are in right now because you will never get it back. Stop wishing you were in college already because you have so much to live for right now.

I know all you want to do is get away from home and start over, which is normal because I wanted to do the same thing at your age. But as your older sister, and as someone who has gone through that stage already, I am here to tell you that it is not all rainbows and sunshine 24/7.

With the time you have left in high school, enjoy every second of it because eventually, you will come to miss it.

Graduation is just around the corner for you and it honestly freaks me out how fast time is going. And it only goes faster in college. As kids, all we wanted was to be in high school and be able to drive on our own and once we hit high school, all we want is to be in college. With almost being in college for two years, I can easily say that all I want is to be a kid again. We have been wishing our whole lives away since we can remember. Enjoy today.

I see so much potential in you and I am beyond excited for what the future has in store for you.

Many times, you have been the one to give me advice even though I'm the older sister and this shows how caring and loving you are. Life is going to treat you so well and it already has.

There is one piece of advice I must give to you though. Make sure to thank mom and dad and tell them you love them as often as possible. I know they can get on your nerves and may make you angry at times, but they have given us the best life. You will learn in college just how much they love us and how much they have given up just to make us happy.

You have a good head on your shoulders and I know life is going to turn out to be exactly what you wanted. Just don't wish it all away. Some of my favorite times were when I was a senior in high school.

I'm always looking out for you so don't ever think you are alone in this crazy world. Remember, I am just one phone call away.

I love you so much sis, you got this.

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