There are two types of people in this world: people who’ve been let down at least once in their life and straight-up liars. Point is, we’ve all had someone in our life not meet the expectations we had of them. Sometimes, it’s the closest people in our life and when they don’t meet your expectations the resulting feeling sucks.

I know that in my life there have been times that I’ve felt pained that some people I trusted the most let me down. It’s heart-wrenching to be in a position like that and I realized that I tended to alienate myself from these people, leaving me feeling more alone than ever. If I couldn’t change anyone else, I reasoned, then I can change myself by keeping these people out of my life. It took me a long while to realize that feeling betrayed and alone is a lethal combination and the result is more detrimental to myself than anyone else.

The constant disappointment was tiring but the source of it all was the constant expectations I had of everyone, from family to close friends to strangers. I shouldn’t have to always expect that my friend will always pick up her phone, because she has a life of her own. I shouldn’t expect people who don’t even know me to instantaneously take a liking to me because they don’t know me very well, and even if they did maybe they just don’t understand. The fault is no longer on the other party but my own because I had decided to impose my expectations on someone else without even trying to understand if they want to have that role. Even if someone has stepped into a role, I didn’t ask them to sign any contract with the criteria all laid out because that’s just not how life works.

It isn’t easy to go from high expectations to no expectations at all and to say to someone that you don’t expect anything out of them can come off as derogatory to the other person. The truth is, it’s just easier that way because they are free to live their life and you are free to live yours. If someone’s actions strike a positive chord with you, then you can choose to keep them around in your life because they truly bring happiness in your life. If someone’s behavior makes you upset, then you can choose to have them sit out for some of the instances in your life but with no hard feelings or grudges.

Living without expectations is the most freeing feeling in the world, and I’ve only got a whiff of it once or twice because I’m not perfect. There are times where I still fall into the trap of expecting something and not getting what I want, but becoming more aware of this has helped me recover quickly from disappointments. The way I see it, we have a choice on this matter and if it makes me happier to expect less then that’s just what I’ll have to do. What’s meant to come will come and I’ll be around to face the consequences of it, whether good or