Upon finishing my first year away at college, I gratefully returned home for the summer. However, returning home also means returning to people you haven’t seen in what feels like a decade, even though it has realistically been nine months at most. (But to a generation that complains when Google takes longer than two seconds to load, it may as well be a decade).
Anyways, I got used to being attacked with questions. Some questions much more common than others.
“How was it?” (Automatic answer: great!)
“How long are you home for?” (*Insert time here*)
“What are you planning to do afterwards?” (This one...c’mon people I pretty much just GOT to college.)
“Did you meet someone?” (Do you mean a boy? Or just a friend? A person in general? Yes I met at least one person, but thank you for checking up on my social skills.)
Please excuse my sarcastic responses on some of them, but we’ve all been there. It’s easy to just ramble off the same answers to these questions to the old friends you run into at church and then say, “See you next sunday! Maybe we’ll get lunch!”
However, one question really stuck out to me when asked.
“Was it everything you wanted/everything you hoped it would be?” (Dang it. I have to think about this one.)
And while thinking I came to the realization: no, it wasn’t.
College wasn’t everything I wanted it to be. And while at first that realization was disappointing, I began to see that it was actually in my best interest.
As humans, it is natural for us to aim for things. To prepare, to practice, to try, to expect. I placed a load of expectation not only on myself, but on the college experience to be everything I dreamed it would be.
I truly believe this to be applicable in multiple situations. Relationships/marriage, a career, a new home, a new year, etcetera.
So what happens when it isn’t what you hoped for? Remember:
- Expectations can cause heartache. At the root of expectation is our mental ideal of how things should go, so they benefit us the most. But that isn’t often how life works. Your mom wasn’t kidding when she repeatedly told you life isn’t fair, because it isn’t. You can look at it in one of two ways. Either reality shatters your expectations, or reality shapes your expectations. Things in life will not go your way, and experience can be a tough teacher. But the growth gained can push you forward as you set new goals for yourself.
- You don’t always know what is best for yourself. If I had heard this nine months ago entering college I would’ve been like “um yes I do bye,” but in hindsight I can see that I truly didn’t, and you really do live and you learn.
- Your achieved expectations won’t bring lasting fulfillment. Especially if it’s done with only yourself in mind. That will only leave you empty. You may reach a goal and not know what to do next. That’s okay, but try to keep moving. I finally got to college, but realized I needed a major, and suddenly “college” wasn’t enough. Don’t place your worth in what you’re able to achieve, and don’t marry your worth to the outcome of your expectations.
These particular times of life always teach you so much about yourself, and bring so much growth that you learn to rely on as new situations emerge.
So no, college hasn’t been everything I’ve hoped for. But I'm realizing that it has been everything I’ve needed it to be.
