Being single is exhausting. It is exhausting to see couples snuggling on a couch or walking hand in hand through the park. It is exhausting to see a new engagement announcement on Facebook every week. It is exhausting to train my mind to be content in my circumstances. It is exhausting to be constantly asked if there’s anyone “new” in my life. It is exhausting to try to affirm myself as someone who is worthy of love. You think dating is exhausting? Try being single.

More than I’d like to admit, I am ashamed, angry, discontent and sick of being single. My mind is flooded with thoughts of longing for a significant other. I know I’m only twenty-one, but these thoughts and desires are so real and consuming.

These confessions are difficult to admit, but they are true. And I would bet many of you reading this have, at some point, faced similar emotions.

For me, there are two specific places that breed these types of emotions. First, I believe our culture—especially Christian culture—is rooted in the need to love and be loved. Popular culture is brimming with songs, movies, plays and book about true love. We are taught from a young age to believe in love and the belief that it is out there for us too. Watching a movie such as "The Notebook" gives us hope that love will come, despite the odds.

This push to find a spouse is even more prominent in Christian circles. As a little girl, I remember being told in church girls groups to “pray for the man God intended me to marry.” Though I agree it is important to pray for the individual I may marry someday, this small prayer created a narrative in my mind of what is expected of me: to get married.

However, I think that the place of strongest emotional pull is the human demand and hunger to be in relationship. It is a beautiful thing to know and be known by someone. When I think about being in a committed relationship with someone, I think of a relationship where we know what makes each other giggle uncontrollably; we know each other’s insecurities; we celebrate each other’s passions; we recognize each other’s areas of deepest need. This is one of the deepest forms of knowing. Unfortunately, this deep knowing is normally subjected to romantic relationships. Intimacy and marriage are put on a pedestal when it comes to relationships.

It is important for us to recognize that romantic relationships are not the end all be all of our relationships or our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I would love meet someone who desires to know my heart and allows me to know theirs; however, this longing becomes a problem when it becomes my life’s greatest quest.

I think, in order to change the way we view romantic relationships and marriage, a new narrative needs to be crafted where singles are included and valued in all circles of society. This starts with the way we speak of and define ourselves. Instead of basing our success and value on whether or not we get asked out or find someone to share our lives with, why don’t we celebrate our individual selves? Rather than define ourselves as single, let us clothe ourselves with freedom, beauty and strength? After all, isn’t it more important to be known as someone who is strong and beautiful and independent and brave and loving?

My single friends, you are delighted in.

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

Whether you are single, divorced, engaged or married, the Lord takes great delight in YOU. Your value does not depend on your marital status. Your value lies in the person God has fearfully and wonderfully made you to be.

Dating friends, engaged friends, married friends and single friends: let us cultivate communities where we affirm, encourage and love one another regardless of the romantic relationships we have or do not have. Let us hug each other. Let us remind each other of our unchanging worth. Let us not feel sorry for each other. Let us love each other.

When these loving and inclusive communities and narratives are upheld, both those who are in a romantic relationship and those who are single will be given the space to love and be loved.

So let’s love and be loved, friends.