It's been two and a half years since my last serious relationship. There are still times when moments come flooding back, both the good and the bad, there are still places that will always be too hard for me to go back to, and sometimes I wonder if I will ever be as happy as I was then. As a naive 18-year-old, life was pretty blissful. Now, as a 20-year-old college junior who has spent the past two and a half years in a committed relationship with herself, it's all starting to make sense.
There aren't many words that can describe the feeling that comes with seeing your ex in a new relationship. Scrolling through Instagram and seeing a picture of the two of them together, looking at her the way he used to look at me, it's bittersweet. There are stages that come with every break-up. If you had asked me a year ago how I would feel to see him with someone new, I would have said bitter. There is a period of time where you can't help but want to see your ex suffer, especially after experiencing heartbreak. There is a lot of truth in the saying time heals all wounds, because I would have never believed that I could actually smile at the sight of my ex with another girl. Now, seeing him happy actually makes me happy too.
While there are some horrible moments I will never be able to forget, even if I wanted to, there were some pretty amazing moments that remind me why I fell in love with him in the first place. We were each other's first great loves, and no one can ever change that. I know that he is an amazing guy and while a part of me will always hope that things ended differently, everything happens for a reason. It is important to cherish the good and to learn from the bad and I think that he and I could both agree that we learned from our relationship together.
To the Ex who has moved on, I really do wish you the best because you deserve to be with someone who makes you as happy as I use to. To the new girl in his life, I hope you know just how lucky you are. To the 18-year-old me who thought that she lost everything, you might have lost him but you ended up finding yourself. And that will always be better than any relationship with a man.
