Exclusive Interview With A Drunk NYU Freshman

Freshmen undergraduate students often experience a lot of excitement for their second semester at New York University. After returning from their first winter break, they feel less anxious about adjusting to college versus first semester. This past Saturday night, I have been lucky enough to interview a drunk freshman named Mirra Laputa beside her toilet in her Third North suite.

Natalie Torn: What would you say you are most excited for this semester?

Mirra Laputa: Wow, that’s a really deep question. Can I think ‘bout it?

NT: Sure! In the meantime, what--

ML: WAIT.

NT: Yes?

ML: You’re like, a really deep person. I wanna be you. Except like richer and with bigger boobs.

NT: What inspired you to apply to NYU in the first place?

ML: I LOVE THE CINEMA. AND BY THE WAY THE USC FILM SCHOOL CAN SUCK MY---

NT: Now, let’s be nice here.

ML: I LOVE NYU. I love Washington Square Park. The ambience. I learned how to pronounce “ambience” at this school. I love NYU. New York City is so good. I want to be NYU. Like, I want to go to the school five-ever. Can we get Halal? I’m hungry af.

NT: I see. What would you say your favorite part of NYU is?

ML: I’M GONNA TEXT MY EX.

NT: Would you say you’ve taken advantage of the global networking opportunities--

ML: I just want HALAL. And I don’t know but I feel like I can… Like… Talk to you, you know? We should be best friends. Forever. I mean five-ever. I’m not even that drunk, I just like you for a person. Would you watch my portfolio? I’m gonna be famous, I SWEAR.

NT:It’s nice to have already started on your portfolio. NYU students are often very ambitious and work on outside projects in addition to their work assigned in class. Can you tell me a bit about the classes you will be taking this semester?

ML: I hate how we have to put random number codes for classes on our papers. Like, can’t it just be the official class title?? Why do I feel so awk in the Bobst elevator all the time??? I wanna call my mom.

NT: Do you feel like you have adjusted well here in the big city last semester?

ML: I think I’m bisexual.

Freshman year is a fun time to explore and discover many things about yourself. For those in Class of 2019, entering second semester, remember that you always need less Fireball than you think you do.