Examine What You Tolerate

Examine What You Tolerate

You deserve better!
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More often than not, we accept less than we deserve. Whether it be friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or our everyday acquaintances, it is easy to let people overstep your boundaries.

The reality is, what we allow is what will continue. If someone leaves you with unsettling feelings or makes you feel like you have to prove your worth, the relationship should not be where our energy is placed. So why do we allow this?

In my thrive group (bible study through the Cru organization on my campus), we read an article on relationships. The article provided reasons in which we feel the need to hold on to others. We tend to go from relationship to relationship and tolerate stupidity to fulfill our “spiritual thirst.” Here are some of the underlying “thirsts” that the article suggests we are trying to quench through relationships:

"Approval and appreciation. “My life feels more meaningful when I get the praise and compliments of others” or “I like being in a relationship because it makes me feel wanted.”

Influence and Power. “I feel more powerful when I am dating someone important or when I’m accepted into an elite group on campus.”

Emotional and physical comfort. “Being in a relationship with someone makes me feel less lonely or bored” or “I like the intimacy we have when we talk on the phone every night or when we engage in sexual activity.”

Security and control. “I feel more secure about myself and my future when I’m in a committed relationship” or “I like to date people I can control because I like being the one in charge.”

I would argue that the central reason for our tolerating of other's bulls**t is because we lack the understanding of our worth. In order for us to create relationships in which we don't feel taken for granted, cheated, or judged, we must love ourselves enough to set boundaries. "Your time and your energy are precious. It is us who chooses how we use it. We teach others how to treat us by deciding what we will and will not accept" (Anna Taylor).

It is not selfish to love yourself. It is necessary to make your own happiness a priority. Sometimes, this is more difficult than it sounds. Letting go of toxic people may be scary because you have to sacrifice your security blanket. However, it is essential we understand that we deserve nothing more than the love that we give freely to those we love in return.

At some point, we have to stop asking why people treat us the way they do and start asking why we allow it. I know that personally, once I begin to proactively examine how the people around me treat me and make me feel, I can see a stark contrast in the functions of each of my relationships.

It is hard to cut people out of your life, though this doesn't mean we need to be unkind. We should still give, but not allow ourselves to be used. We should still trust, but not be naive and let lies be swept under the rug. We should still listen and care but must acknowledge that our voices too are important.

All I'm trying to say is, just because you love someone's presence in your life, does not mean they are healthy for you. We can't let others stunt our confidence and keep us from knowing how valuable we are.

You deserve better than people who can not see your amazing attributes and mess with your flow! Stop letting others make you question your worth and embrace the fact that you are dope as hell.

Cover Image Credit: Audrey Hall

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To The Grandmothers Who Made Us The Women We Are Today

Sincerely, the loving granddaughters.
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The relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter is something so uniquely special and something to be treasured forever.

Your grandma loves you like you are her own daughter and adores you no matter what. She is the first person you run to when you have a problem with your parents and she never fails to grace you with the most comforting advice.

She may be guilty of spoiling you rotten but still makes sure to stress the importance of being thankful and kind.

Your grandma has most likely lived through every obstacle that you are experiencing now as a young adult and always knows just exactly what to say.

She grew up in another generation where things were probably much harder for young women than they are today.

She is a walking example of perseverance, strength, and grace who you aim to be like someday.

Your grandma teaches you the lessons she had to learn the hard way because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she did when she was growing up.

Her hugs never fail to warm your heart, her smile never fails to make you smile, and her laugh never fails to brighten your day.

She inspires you to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

You only hope that one day you can be the mother and grandmother she was to you.

A piece of girl’s heart will forever belong to her grandma that no one could ever replace.

She is the matriarch of your family and is the glue that holds you all together.

Grandmothers play such an important role in helping their granddaughters to grow into strong, intelligent, kind women.

She teaches you how to love and how to forgive.

Without the unconditional love of your grandma, you would not be the woman you are today.

To all of the grandmothers out there, thank you for being you.

Sincerely,

the loving granddaughters

Cover Image Credit: Carlie Konuch

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Being The Last Friend To Turn 21 Isn't ALL Bad

All your friends have turned 21, but that is okay

Cassidy
Cassidy
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You may think being the last one out of your friend group to turn twenty-one is the worst thing in the world, but in all honesty, it doesn't have to be. One of the biggest perks is that everyone of your friends can go out to the bars with you on your birthday. All the people who turn twenty-one first have to wait for people to be able to go out with them, but you get to celebrate your birthday with all of your friends.

Another huge reason you should feel okay with being last to turn twenty-one is thinking about all the money you are saving. The bars are expensive. When you don't go to the bars you are saving so much money because an average bar drink is about seven dollars. This being said seven dollars multiple times a night, multiple nights a week really adds up, so you are going to have to budget your money better.

You don't have to be the one to buy alcohol for everyone else. Having a ton of people ask you to buy them alcohol must get annoying at a point, and if you're the youngest out of your friends, no one will be asking you to do liquor store runs for them because they can all go already for themselves.

The biggest reason is that you can enjoy being young. You should still continue to enjoy going to house parties and just being able to hang out with friends without having to go to the bars. Spend these months before you turn twenty-one just being able to enjoy life without feeling obligated to go out to the bars all the time. You have a great excuse when you don't want to drink on a weekday to just stay in. This being said it will be your turn to turn twenty-one soon.

Cassidy
Cassidy

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