Examine What You Tolerate

Examine What You Tolerate

You deserve better!
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More often than not, we accept less than we deserve. Whether it be friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or our everyday acquaintances, it is easy to let people overstep your boundaries.

The reality is, what we allow is what will continue. If someone leaves you with unsettling feelings or makes you feel like you have to prove your worth, the relationship should not be where our energy is placed. So why do we allow this?

In my thrive group (bible study through the Cru organization on my campus), we read an article on relationships. The article provided reasons in which we feel the need to hold on to others. We tend to go from relationship to relationship and tolerate stupidity to fulfill our “spiritual thirst.” Here are some of the underlying “thirsts” that the article suggests we are trying to quench through relationships:

"Approval and appreciation. “My life feels more meaningful when I get the praise and compliments of others” or “I like being in a relationship because it makes me feel wanted.”

Influence and Power. “I feel more powerful when I am dating someone important or when I’m accepted into an elite group on campus.”

Emotional and physical comfort. “Being in a relationship with someone makes me feel less lonely or bored” or “I like the intimacy we have when we talk on the phone every night or when we engage in sexual activity.”

Security and control. “I feel more secure about myself and my future when I’m in a committed relationship” or “I like to date people I can control because I like being the one in charge.”

I would argue that the central reason for our tolerating of other's bulls**t is because we lack the understanding of our worth. In order for us to create relationships in which we don't feel taken for granted, cheated, or judged, we must love ourselves enough to set boundaries. "Your time and your energy are precious. It is us who chooses how we use it. We teach others how to treat us by deciding what we will and will not accept" (Anna Taylor).

It is not selfish to love yourself. It is necessary to make your own happiness a priority. Sometimes, this is more difficult than it sounds. Letting go of toxic people may be scary because you have to sacrifice your security blanket. However, it is essential we understand that we deserve nothing more than the love that we give freely to those we love in return.

At some point, we have to stop asking why people treat us the way they do and start asking why we allow it. I know that personally, once I begin to proactively examine how the people around me treat me and make me feel, I can see a stark contrast in the functions of each of my relationships.

It is hard to cut people out of your life, though this doesn't mean we need to be unkind. We should still give, but not allow ourselves to be used. We should still trust, but not be naive and let lies be swept under the rug. We should still listen and care but must acknowledge that our voices too are important.

All I'm trying to say is, just because you love someone's presence in your life, does not mean they are healthy for you. We can't let others stunt our confidence and keep us from knowing how valuable we are.

You deserve better than people who can not see your amazing attributes and mess with your flow! Stop letting others make you question your worth and embrace the fact that you are dope as hell.

Cover Image Credit: Audrey Hall

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.

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1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten


Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

Cover Image Credit: Authors Photos

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An Open Letter To My Childhood Best Friend

To Molly Zucker, I hope this article makes everyone surrounding you hear your obnoxious, priceless laugh.

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Dear childhood best friend,

When I look back on my childhood, there is only one person who reminds me of home: you. After moving out of state and time passing on, it's easy to forget where you came from and parts of your childhood. However, the minute I see your face and hear your goofy laugh, the feeling of home returns. You bring out the fun and young in me because let's be honest, you turned out to be the adventurous spontaneous one and I'm just a boring nerd in Organic Chemistry. No one can make my pure childhood laughs come out or make me feel as free-spirited and lively as much as you do.


Lexi Garber

We used to ride our bikes around town, eat salt and vinegar chips until our tongues burned, and do each other's makeup and nails. We would go to the mall and dress ourselves in this horrendous outfits, but ones that we actually thought were cute at the time (Why did you let me wear half of the stuff I did?) We wrote each other cards during Recess and talked about how much we would gossip on our Friday night sleepovers. I could recognize your cupcake vanilla perfume scent from a mile away, even from this day and when I do smell it, it brings back such a warm and comforting familiar feeling.


Lexi Garber

We would talk about what our future would be like, how fun high school would be and what it would be like if we went to the same college. I didn't know that I would move before all of that but little did I know we would remain best friends and talk every day still to this day. Although there are moments where it hurts me that I didn't get to watch you grow out of your crazy, middle school self and into this beautiful and amazing girl, I know one day we will be close in distance again. We still talk about our future like we know what's going to happen and hopefully, we will live together in NYC one day, like we've always talked about. Who knows where we will both end up, but no matter how far we are in distance, we will always be close at heart.


Lexi Garber

The best part of being long distance best friends is that when our other friends annoy us, we can randomly Facetime each other at any time for a quick laugh and a reminder of how sacred our special bond is. We get to plan trips to see each other and show each other what has changed in our lives, but there is one thing that will never change: our friendship. So here's to you being my maid of honor, crazy aunt for my future kids, my soulmate, best friend and partner in crime. You bring out the happiness and best in me and I will love you always and forever.

Love,

Your childhood best friend



Lexi Garber



Lexi Garber

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