For the past 4 years, I have watched my roommate and best friend struggle with severe anxiety. It wasn't until recently that I could fully grasp the riveting mental and physical effects she has been battling her whole life.

When asking how she felt during tough moments, she always struggled to find the right words. Whenever her anxiety would flare up I would become annoyed and wish she could be less dramatic. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that there was something bigger going on behind closed doors. Looking back now, I can admit to being apathetic towards her battle because I didn't know what it felt like to be her.

Through my own experiences in the past five months, I finally know what it's like to be her. I now feel compelled to paint a clear picture of anxiety in hopes to give others the opportunity to be empathic towards those struggling. After all, ignorance is bliss.

When the summer of 2018 began, I vowed to work on myself in hopes to break the toxic and repetitive cycle I had been living. For years, I was throwing myself into the same emotional sequence expecting a different outcome. I began to dig deeper and uncovered the detrimental motives behind the decisions I was making. I discovered years worth of damage and relationships that had clearly driven me directly into the hole I was in. In the following days, the feeling of being on edge became my new norm.

It was these moments I wished to recover all I had brought to the surface. I unleashed a whirlwind of anxiety into my life with no end in sight.

Sure, we've all had those nerve-racking moments before a big test or a first date. Our palms are sweaty, our hands are shaky and our stomachs are turning. Most people assume this is what anxiety feels like, but you know what they say about making assumptions...

Anxiety is almost like the whole world is spinning around you while you stand helplessly in the center. Every little thing piles creating mountains out of molehills. It feels as if the whole world is working against you, all at once.

You begin to imagine the most far-fetched scenarios and create a reality. Your mind whole heartily believes the tricks being played. There is no calming down. No stopping. No steady breathing.

Anxiety runs a different course every time. For some, it's a short and straight course while others are in it for the bumpy long haul. Some conditions can set you off, while other moments are unexplainable.

You can see it coming from miles away through your rapidly increasing heartbeat, racing thoughts that you are too slow to catch and the feeling that your chest has sunken into the pit of your stomach.

After months of fighting off these feelings, I knew I had to do something before I lost my mind.

There was no magical solution, although I prayed for one. Day to day, I took 1 step forward and sometimes 3 steps back. Some days, I was halfway out of the hole before life kicked me back in. I forced myself to consider all perspectives of every situation. I began to think rationally about the world and everything I knew before anxiety had consumed me.

Everything was not what it seemed.

Seeing clearly wasn't something anyone else could have done for me. There were no words nor actions that could have helped. There was no quick fix, no matter how many times they were suggested.

Lucky is an understatement while reflecting on my journey. Millions of people are on an emotional roller coaster with no emergency brake. I am both humbled and full of gratitude as a result of the past few months.

Mental health is so important but is too often skipped out on. So next time someone tells you they are having anxiety try to imagine a million things are happening at once. If they shut you out 9 times, you try 10.

Being able to rewind and undo was at the top of my wishlist until I recognized that growth only comes through change. I will always regret my ignorance. I will always regret not being able to help my best friend when she needed it the most, but because of every wrong turn I took, I am where I am today.