In life, so many things are left unsaid. So many people walk in and out of our lives without a goodbye. Many times we find it hard to move on because there is still so much left to say, so much we cannot let go.
I have experienced this hardship first hand. My older brother committed suicide at the age of 19. He was my person--the person I went to if I ever needed advice. The person who didn’t think of me as his annoying 15-year-old sister, but instead his best friend. The person who ran to my room in the middle of the night and asked to sleep on the floor because there was a spider in his room. The person who had my back for everything, big or small. The person who, when I was upset, would not stop hugging me until I was happy again. He was the happiest, most outgoing, person I have ever known.
Losing him was so unexpected. One day he was here teasing me about being too short to ride roller coasters and the next he was gone. I never got to say goodbye. I had barely even gotten to say hello. In the grand scheme of life, 15 years is nothing. I wish I could’ve spent those 15 years of my life telling him I loved him instead of saying things like “your feet smell” or “no, I won’t clean your room for money”.
I never got to tell him that I was so lucky to have him as a brother. I never got to tell him that he was the greatest friend I had in this vast world. I never got to tell him that even to this day, the hole in my heart that erupted when he left has not and never will be filled. I never got to tell him that my life would never be the same without him.
He’s missed out on so much of my life. He never got to see me graduate high school. He never got to see me sign to play college soccer. He never got to see me fall in love. He never got to see the highs and lows of my life. He will never see me graduate college a year early, he will never see me get married, he will never see me name my son after him. But I am okay with that. Because I was lucky enough to spend 15 years with him by my side, being my best friend. I don’t need to tell him anything, deep in my heart I know that even though I can’t speak to him…he knows just how much I love him.
So, my dear readers here is the point of this story: life is full of lessons and my lesson to you is to appreciate what you have while you have it. No one lives forever, so spend the time you have here on this Earth spreading love and joy. Let the people you love know that you love them. Because you never know just how much time you have left with them.
