When I started writing down ideas for the blog the first thing that popped in my head was the Tv show, Friends. Not sure if any of you are familiar with it but one of my favorite episodes is “The One where Joey Kisses Rachel.” I love this episode particularly because Ross’ vibe in this one is me on a daily basis. To sum it all up Ross walks in on Joey kissing his forever love, Rachel. He immediately reacts screaming “It’s Fine, I’m FINE” all while everyone knows that isn’t true. They plan a double date that same night and Ross gets so blinded by his emotions he takes something out of the oven with no oven mitt. Everyone asks if he’s okay and the only thing he seems to be able to say is “I’m FINE!!” I feel like this episode is so relatable because it’s a natural feeling to want to hide emotion. I thought for so long that feeling so many things daily was a bad thing. As I get older and am finishing up my college career it has began to really sink in that having a lot of emotions isn’t a bad thing. Feeling everything and bearing burdens of people you love is just a side effect of having a big heart, which is truly a beautiful thing. I’m a fixer, I want to fix everything. I don’t want to see the people I love hurt or suffer. It’s an unrealistic thought process to want to fix everything, but I would die trying to help the people I love the most. I felt like I never related to anyone or no one understood what I felt until last year. I lost my best friend, Michael, last year and something we seemed to have in common was how big our hearts were. We related in what we thought was a weakness we shared until we started seeing the same counselor. We learned so quickly that our character trait that we listed as a weakness was actually a strength. We talked about how we knew we couldn’t save the world but we would never stop trying. We embraced the ability to be so compassionate and loving no matter the circumstances. Feeling everything was so much more beautiful than feeling nothing at all.

I read a lot of self help books and recently I read a book about frontal lobotomy’s. Not sure if you know what that is but to sum it up it was a surgery invented by neurologist Antonio Egas Moniz. He won a Noble Prize for it in 1935. The surgery consisted of drilling a hole through your frontal lobe which then took away your ability to feel. Back then everyone was convinced that it would make you the most successful person in the world if you could be all business with no emotions when decision making. Each Patient that chose to have the surgery had a successful one, up until they became vegetables. Literally. Apparently no one considered that if you took away your ability to feel you took away your passion and drive to be successful in the first place. People began losing their spouses, distanced from their kids, and lost everything they once loved because they gave away their ability to feel emotion. Tom Waits once said “I would rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.” While it isn’t healthy to be a raging alcoholic, he made a good point. Would we rather live a life where we felt nothing or take the chance of feeling everything? Loving as hard as we can, being passionate about what sets our soul on fire, and embracing the importance of decision making even when emotions overwhelm you is so powerful. To truly love who you are, feel so many personal connections, and bear so many burdens due to it affecting people you love is honestly a success in itself.

So why am I writing this? What’s the point?? The point is there was a time where I felt so alone. A time where I felt like I needed to be checked into a sponge room because I was so emotional all the time. A time where I felt like no one understood, when in reality there are more people like you than you think. Embrace emotion, communicate with the people you love, never be ashamed of how you feel. How you express yourself and how you react to all the curve balls thrown your way are what make you-YOU. Embrace change. Embrace originality. Who you are as a person is not the reflection of the opinion of others. Who you are as a person is what you see when you look in the mirror. What you feel when you write in your journal. Who you see when you play a guitar or write a song. Expressing ourselves is so powerful and beautiful and no one can take that away from you. Want to dye your hair, write a book, make music on Spotify, or whatever else the mental health gods are calling you to do, do it. Your mental health is so much more important than what others think of you. It has taken me way too long to accept that it’s okay to want to sit in a puddle of tears in the floor. What isn’t okay is drowning in a pool of bottled up emotions. Normalize talking to a therapist, normalize taking medication when needed, and normalize individuality. Tell not only your family, but your friends “I love you” when hanging up the phone. You can be unstoppable if you embrace your feelings, talk through them, communicate them with the people who hurt you, and never feel like it’s the wrong thing to do. It’s cool to be kind and it’s super cool to have a heart as big as the Goliath at Six Flags. Truthfully life is a rollercoaster of emotions and you better strap in. We’re all just out here surviving and I’m rooting for you!