My grandma is one of my favorite people in the entire world. Everyone who meets her loves her because she has a crazy since of humor that you don’t see every day, especially when it comes to an adult figure.
Below I have listed some of the things she has said or has given me advice on. I do warn you that some of this should not be followed. My list might be a little short, but some of it would have prevented me from publishing this article, so I kept it nice and sweet.
When I was little I was always at her house, and even as a freshman in college I am over there any chance I get. As a child, I was very hyper and always running around, dancing on her fireplace or playing with the dogs. But instead of saying no to me she would say, "Raegan, if you don’t stop, I’ll break your face.” I don’t know if 6-year-old me found this as funny as I do now.
Every summer my grandparents and I would take a trip somewhere different. I am the type of person who always wants french fries, tacos or chocolate milk. I made the comment one night in our hotel that I was craving some french fries. I was probably 15 years old at the time and my grandma responds, "We do not get urges for anything. First urges will be french fries to ice cream and then to sex. So we must never get urges. And If you do date a boy for a long time and he wants something out of you, make sure that whatever you do he is wearing his raincoat and booties.” Thanks for the sex advice, Grandma.
Dating is always her favorite thing to talk about. She loves to disown me and claim who I am dating as her own instead. “Don’t ever date around Christmas or a birthday because then you have to worry about presents. But if it’s your birthday, maybe you can wait till you get the present and then leave.” I guess this is good advice since I am terrible at picking out presents anyways.
I was told that if a boy ever broke my heart to move on and find someone better because I should be independent, and in her words, ”Once they do something like that they will do it again, because you let them the first time. Leave them. They are not your father and you should not be told what to do. So hit them in the back of the head and say goodbye.”
I was over at her house one time and she answered the phone to speak to my grandpa. Their conversation goes, ”Where are you?” he responds, ”At work.” She proceeds to say, "Okay bye,” and immediately hangs up the phone. My grandma looks at me, "Oh what the hell, after you have been married for this long, it doesn’t matter.” This makes me laugh, because it does matter and she knows it.
“You must look like a bowl of salad and never like a Twinkie.” Thanks for looking out for me, Grandma.
Even though she is the craziest person you can ever meet, she is the coolest person in my life and I am thankful every day to have had the influence from a New York-raised grandma. Everything I didn’t want to know, I learned from my grandma.
