We live in a world that fosters a pool of criticism as abundant as the ocean. It seems we can never escape an oncoming wave of judgment from one source or another. Our efforts in the workplace or the classroom are thrown out into the wild, subjected to unfiltered comments from authority figures while we cross our fingers and hope for the best. The shelves of our favorite bookstores are lined with an endless supply of self-help books that somehow manage to make us feel worse about ourselves after we read them. Even magazine covers take a whack at us by dictating how we’re supposed to look. I’m taking a risk myself by sharing this article with the knowledge that there’s a comment section down below. Who’s to say I won’t receive a good dose of criticism just from these words?

That’s why we’re told to grow a thick skin. You know, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and all that jazz. That’s great, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a lot easier said than done. It’s also a lot easier when your critic is another person. What are you supposed to do when your worst critic is yourself? What do you do when you can’t run away from that judgmental voice inside your head?

I don’t know about you, but I’m undeniably guilty of being my own worst critic. If you’re like me, there’s no doubt you’ve heard all the cliches in the book warning us against our self-deprecating nature. “Don’t be so hard on yourself!” “Don’t beat yourself up!” They’ve been tossed around a gazillion times and more,but their impact doesn’t seem to build at all. In fact, their power actually seems to diminish when they’re repeated over and over again.

Maybe their lack of influence comes from their negative wording. Those phrases appear to be critiques themselves. The word “don’t” makes me feel like I’m being scolded and then suddenly I’ve got another blow to my self-esteem. So if those lines are burned out, what do we say instead?

I think it differs from person to person. What works for you may not work for your friend, and what works for you friend may not work for you. The one common element among our self-motivation should be its empathetic nature. We need to be empathetic towards ourselves, especially when it comes to our internal dialogue.

I remember being eight years old and learning the definition of “empathy.” It revolutionized the way I saw the world as a child. I’ve carried that lesson with me from third grade to adulthood. I failed, however, to carry it into the way I speak to myself. My thoughts are polluted with words that are nowhere near empathetic. I think the secret to turning my self-critic into at least a somewhat reasonable judge is to incorporate empathy into the words I say inside my head. It’s certainly going to take a while, but it will be worth the effort. My new empathetic mantra might be a simple sentence of just four words. “Be good to yourself.” I also want to say it to everyone reading this.