Everyone has mementos from their lives. As time goes on, people move, change cities, jobs, apartments. They grow into and out of cloths, styles, positions: manager, doctor, professor, father, husband. All of this traveling through space and time leaves traces. Every family has their picture book and shelf filled with events. Generally, large milestones take the focus. Wedding photos, diplomas, souvenirs. In particular, I like collecting flags from the places I've visited. This stuff is important, because it reminds people of the moments they've treasured, the places they've been, and what they have achieved. Strong memories get tied to specific events, the ones that are recognized as comprising a life. They say, yes, she is a college graduate. On June 5th, 2012 he got married. Over winter, they went to Hawaii.
But life is actually a little more mathematical than that. I always thought about it like a differential, where there's a small gradient of whatever per time. I'm slowly working towards that college degree, and when I plug May 7th, 2017 into my differential, it should equal my college diploma. Until then, its a constant effort, let's call it a force, per time to reach that point. Raising a child, achieving a promotion, making a new friend, just getting out of bed every morning to the same rinse and repeat of a life. Watering plants, feeding pets, calling mom.
The attractive quality about math, and the harrowing one of life, is that in math things are predictable. Any equation, any time differential is beautifully laid out, and a person can see that a function continues. Each function has its different rate, to be sure. But a sound wave in air, though slower in water, is still making headway.
Sure, and that's like life. People work towards goals every day. PhDs take longer than undergraduate, usually. Growing your own potatoes takes a summer and fruit trees take years. Life is just a point on that graph. Except, unlike some mathematical function, its not alone and its future trajectory is unclear. There's thousands of others next to it, plotting along at their own pace. Looking to the side, it can be hard to see a difference in the gradient, especially when its seemed constant for days to years. Expected peaks don't come, dreams get pushed aside, and other people seem to have more success, move faster. They gather their milestones, marriage photos, and diplomas.
It's hard. I came home today, after a rough week of test and bad grades. In my day, I felt like a failure, because my goals are in jeopardy, my hard work seems pointless if it doesn't pay off. And then I saw the light on in my apartment when I got home.. my roommate is still awake. She hasn't been for the last five days, because I've been working late. I walked inside and we got to talk to each other. Luckily for me, life is a time differential, and I'm able to see some of the good of that. Our friendship, has gotten slowly stronger over time. It's not a large difference either, but its infinitely important to me. We have our mementos too, a picture we retake each year to show our friendship, bracelets, drawings, cards. But arguably the most important parts happen daily.
I understand that these are different parts of life. Sometimes, life only feels the compound stress, failure, frustration, and sadness. But its not. There are other beautiful moments in it. People who love and support, places that give help. There are always milestones to look forward to, and mementos worth collecting even if they're not immediately in view. Please consider that.
Last week, a friend of a friend of mine committed suicide. Though we never met, it touched my life. I wanted to honor him.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
Rest in peace
