My beautiful Grandma, you are no longer suffering and I am glad to know that is so. The cancer in your system will no longer torment you and you are now free to walk among Heaven. The gates are open for you and God is smiling down on your presence. You did His work well, better than any soul on this earth can these days. Every person you met, no matter who they were and where they came from, you graced them with extreme kindness and you never questioned their intentions. Every person you came into contact with, you touched on a deeper level, a level that makes you unforgettable. I wish I had been better about your passing, I had so much to tell you in those few hours but instead I gave you something different.

I didn't treat you like you were sick, I treated like you have always been to me, my grandma. I didn't wonder if I should make you eat some more food, I instead filled your head with the foods I know you like. They weren't the healthiest options, but I hoped by making you crave junk food it would motivate you to eat more. I even thought about driving to Mentor to buy you a Dairy Queen chili dog but I knew you would be upset of my wasted gas. So, instead, I filled your head with various thoughts and chatted with you about various things.

I didn't always think that you understood what I was saying but between your bits of delirium, I made sense of what you were speaking to me about. I kept your thoughts away from what seemed like millions of pills in your system. I wish I had been able to stand by your bed when you threw them all up, but that has always been my one weakness. I hid in the bathroom and cowered until I heard your grotesque coughing subside. When your bed was dampened by your urin, I got all of the grand kids to leave the room so you could be properly changed. I know you were embarrassed that your family had to see your strength diminish in such a way. I wish I could tell you how much I respect your strength and beauty, even so close to death you were beautiful.

You graced your bed with such a delicate manner it only makes me smile. Even though the chemotherapy made your beautiful, thick hair fall away, you were still cute. You always tried your hardest to drink and eat on your own. You would use every bit of strength to lift yourself from the bed to sip some water. I know you hated every second of lying there helpless and I admire you so much for not letting your spirits fall away. I remember you always giving me advice on to stay strong and I never thought that I would see where my strength comes from. You are my strength, you are my gateway into God, and I will always remember everything we did together.

I will always remember our talks on how I would be upset with my dad or mom. You would listen to every word I had to say and you would always tell me not to blame them because they are my parents. You always made sure that I had everything I needed and I will always wear socks in your house. I know you'd be kicking yourself up in Heaven if I didn't. I look to the clouds every day and I know you're there. I'm your cloud child, in car rides that is what we would look at. We would spend time looking at the nature around us and just being thankful for it. You taught me how to appreciate my environment and how to be thankful for all of the happiness and all of the pain.

I wish I could be like you, so unbelievably faithful and caring. I want to make you happy and make you proud. You didn't deserve to suffer the way you did, the moans I heard come from you on the evening before your death were so heartbreaking. I wish I had been better at talking, I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't. I just know that you and Grandpa are my rocks and I wouldn't be who I am today with your support.

I'm glad you're in the place you've always wanted to be. In Heaven. You're healthy, you're happy, and I know you'll always be there to guide me.

I love you so much Grandma.