As a junior in college, sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a halfway stage of my life. I am constantly thinking about what my “plan” is for each semester, the summer breaks, and eventually, my post graduation life. For me, and probably many others, the thought of the future is exciting, scary, and stressful. It is too often that I let my mind become my worst enemy, and soon, I am stressing about things that are completely out of my control at the moment.
Thoughts of panic race through my mind as I think about my plans for the future…will I land an internship for the summer? Where will I live next year? Will I get a job immediately after I graduate? Where will I live two years from now?
My questions, uncertainties, and doubts soon snowball into an overwhelming amount of anxiety and stress—paralyzing me from enjoying the now. We’ve all heard the simple four-worded advice…” live in the present”, but I’ve never really taken those four words and actually carried them out into my own lifestyle.
Recently, I realized how much I don’t live in the present. Every day I jump out of bed…nearly in a panic about the million things I need to accomplish for the day, tomorrow, and if there’s a spare hour here or there…maybe even what I can get ahead on for next week.
My determination to excel in everything I do has turned from a strength to a weakness. My stress about my “to do list” takes over my mind, and eventually sucks nearly all of the enjoyment out of the little moments in my day. My run at the gym never exceeds thirty minutes—simply because of the time constraint, and my conversations with friends and family are either a simple hi, or a good five minute rant for both of us to complain about everything we are overwhelmed by.
The other day as I was in line at Target, a mom with her three children stood before me. Goldfish crackers, juice boxes, and Lucky Charms lined her cart among a ton of other items. She was balancing her phone on her shoulder, while holding her toddler and searching for her credit card in her purse, but she remained calm and kept a smile on her face. As I stood there, it occurred to me—life will always be hectic, stressful and busy. It doesn’t get any easier from here…in fact it may get harder. The older I get, the more responsibilities I take on, but it’s all about how I handle everything in the now.
As I drove home, I thought about everything in my life that is pretty great. I love my apartment, classes, friends, and family. I love how I only have to make dinner for myself…and it can be whatever I want it to be. I love how I am not 100% independent yet, but just the right amount where I can live on my own, have my own routine, but still call mom and dad for help if I need it. I love knowing how I have so many possibilities, experiences and opportunities ahead of me that I will take on someday.
As a junior in college, I am going to try to enjoy the now. I am going to enjoy every responsibility just as it is for right now. It’s only going to get harder, more complicated and more chaotic, so why not just step back and enjoy everything as it happens in the moment. I don’t know what my future will be like, but what I do know, is that my lifestyle that I have now will change, and I will never have the freedoms, opportunities and energy that I do now.
So, here is to the now.
