We all have a different amount of friends who we would consider to be "inner circle" or the people we most like to spend our time with. For some, it's difficult to limit the number to one set of fingers. For others, they can start and finish the list with the same name.
I have to say that I have always been of the opinion that only a few close friends are best. My reasoning was that you get to know those people much better because you invest more of your time in them and that brings you closer together than being in a large group would.
However, this philosophy fails to hold any water when you don't take the time to invest in those close friendships- when you forgo spending time together to get extra hours in bed or when you bail on plans consistently just to watch more Netflix shows all by yourself.
Don't get me wrong- binging a great show on Netflix, spending time with your significant other, or taking some time every once in a while to just be by yourself is absolutely wonderful. It's when you never see your other friends anymore that it becomes an issue.
A good friendship isn't built on canceled plans and promises you don't intend to keep. Just like a relationship, a strong friendship is built on commitment and love. If you truly want to be invested in someone's life and if you want to play a significant role, you can't just watch from the sidelines while things happen.
There have been too many times when I've failed to show up for a friend or failed to put in the time and effort to be present in their life, then felt bitter when I was "suddenly" excluded or I suddenly didn't hold a place of honor anymore. What I didn't realize is that while I was busy working or devoting most of my time to my significant other or staring at my laptop screen for hours on end, the other person was moving on without me.
Now, is friendship a two-way street? Of course- it takes effort and selflessness from both sides to build a truly wonderful bond that lasts beyond flaky moments and stupid decisions.
However, we need to stop depending upon the other person to keep the friendship alive if we aren't putting in any work ourselves. We need to stop holding ourselves up in our rooms, because "we're tired" or "we just aren't feeling it today" or any other lame excuses we come up with, and go spend time with the people who truly matter to us.
The truth is, when we don't sacrifice our selfishness to give love to someone else, we have absolutely no right to expect the same blossoming friendship we once had. We have no right to be angry or upset when that person continues on without us or when we see things happening that we would once have been a part of.
The lesson is this- stop coming up with fresh excuses to not see friends, go put your shoes on, and develop a relationship with someone. Life isn't meant to be lived alone (or with just one other person), so we should stop pretending like it is. At the end of the day, you're always with yourself. How often are you with others?
