Yesterday, I felt numb. I didn't care about anything while also caring a whole lot at the same time.

I spent way too much time in the mirror being frustrated at the way my hair turned out. By the time I was done, I was supposed to have left for class. I was still in the clothes I slept in.

Do I still go to class? Can I just go back to bed? Am I just going to show up a half-an-hour late? Is that acceptable? I just won't go to my first class.

After going back and forth in my head about whether I should still go or not, I was trying to figure out what to wear since the weather was being bipolar.

It's going to take 30 minutes to drive there. 25 to walk to class. I should've left 20 minutes ago.

The time was engrained in the back of my head, so I couldn't really focus on getting ready like a normal person. After taking a couple of breaths, I told myself to trust the process and let the day carry me around.

I ended up taking the shuttle bus offered on campus, which allowed me to get to class less than 10 minutes late. Everybody seemed bright and chipper while I felt as if they noticed I wasn't feeling myself.

It's probably obvious. I can't even properly smile today.

After letting out some fake laughs every now and then, I still felt like I wasn't on track. My body was aching, the energy drink was NOT waking me up, and I did not know how to stay positive. I had zero motivation to put in any effort.

Should I leave early? The pressure right now is way too heavy.

I was tempted to skip my two three-hour classes afterward just to drive somewhere. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to drive to a place I've never been to before, stay the night at a hotel, and recollect myself.

I wanted to go to a place where no one knew my name or my story. I wanted to disappear. Get lost. But I didn't know where.

All so I could find myself again.

Is this because of my feelings I have for him? I tend to lose myself when that happens as my emotions get invested in one place. Who am I anymore?

Is it just stress? Or just really bad anxiety? Could it be that I'm depressed and I just don't know it? I can't be PMSing. WHAT IS WRONG?

When I say I was off, I was OFF. Not to sound morbid, but if I were to have been hit by a car, I wouldn't have minded it. I just really wanted to escape my life for the day.

After making it through my second class, headphones in, I knew I had to escape to my car. My throat was tight, and if the right song played, I would've cried.

In my car, I blasted music for about 20 minutes before my last class of the day. How I felt would determine if I would go or not.

I listened to songs that I knew would induce the mental breakdown, the confused emotions I had built up inside of me.

As expected, warm tears started to flow out of me. I was my own comfort.

Everything is fine in my world.

Then I realized that I didn't have to leave or get lost to find myself. All I had to do was focus within. I recollected my thoughts, recharged my energy, and aligned myself.

I ended up making it through all three of my classes. I was stronger than I thought.