"Teletubbies: The Album" is not the album we deserve, but it is the album we need. Buckle up for a wild, nostalgic ride. Click on this hyperlink to listen to the full album on Spotify as you scroll.
1. When the baby sun giggles at the beginning of the album...
2. ...and the whole Teletubby gang says, "eh-oh."
3. When all of "Puddle Dance" is just splashing, giggling, and squishy noises...
4. ...until the alien abduction at the end.
5. When "Ships" fills your ears with lapping waves...
6. ...and when "Dirty Knees" fills them with slobbery licking sounds.
7. When the album's British narrator speaks for the first time in "Dirty Knees."
8. When he says Laa-Laa's knees are dirty over and over again but never explains why...
9. When Dipsy and Laa-Laa say "hug" as they hug.
10. When Dipsy's knees are dirty now, too.
11. When Tinky Winky's knees are dirty, TOO.
12. When the British man actually sounds distressed about the knee situation.
13. When the narrator says Po is just dirty, period.
14. When "tubby sponges" save the day.
15. When the bass drops in "Twisty Dance."
16. When Tinky Winky says anything.
17. When you remember some evangelicals protested Teletubbies because they thought Tinky Winky was gay.
18. When "Animals" inexplicably transports you from teletubbyland to the savannah.
19. When you Google "teletubbyland" and get a taste of the Teletubbies fandom.
20. When Dipsy beatboxes in "Dipsy's Fancy Hat" because he's so excited about his fancy hat.
21. When the British narrator raps for two seconds about Dipsy's hat...
22. ...and then uses the word "liable."
23. When Dipsy's hat flies away in the wind.
24. When Dipsy's hat lands back on his head.
25. Whenever anyone says, "eh-oh!" or "uh-oh!"
26. When you find yourself jamming out to "Teletubbies Say 'Eh-Oh!'"
27. When "Follow My Leader" brings in some techno...
28. ...then an organ...
29. ...then mixes it all with salsa madness.
30. When the narrator says something has mysteriously appeared in the sky at the beginning of "Clouds..."
31. ...and all the telletubbies gasp...
32. ...and it's literally just a cloud.
33. When you're just nodding off to "Lullaby..."
34. ...and then all the Teletubbies start snoring.
35. When you remember this album was originally supposed to help infants fall asleep.
36. When you realize it's all over...
37. ...and that you've been listening for 45 minutes.
38. How you imagine your friends will react when you tell them you listened to "Teletubbies: The Album."
39. How you imagine Barack Obama would react.
