Being in an emotionally abusive relationship or household can be life-changing. It changes you in ways that make you forget who you were in the first place.

You become a shell of your former self.

It's something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Being in said relationship is belittling, and leaving is heartbreaking.

But trying to find your former self again is flat out traumatizing.

People always talk about what it's like being in an emotionally abusive situation and why you should leave and how to do it. But no one likes to talk about what happens months after it's over. When everyone thinks you're over it and there is "no reason" to keep bringing it up.

There is, apparently, no reason to make sure you're still OK.

But months later, you're still not the person you used to be. You still do things you had to do in order to survive those situations. Except now they are out of habit not because you have to.

My home life was not great.

My stepfather made me feel like I was the spawn of Satan. In order to cope with that, I kept to myself in the house. I was not allowed to voice my opinion or feelings about anything he said to me.

I was called every vulgar name in the book, and I had to sit there and take it...silently.

This has made me one of the most frustrating people to have an argument with. I admit I need to be better about it, but I don't know how.

For 10 years, I had to be dead silent when someone tried to yell at me for something. And I, unfortunately, still do not speak words when being yelled at.

I shut down entirely.

I still do other weird things that honestly don't make much sense, even to me. I close my door every time I'm in my room because I was never allowed to shut my door at their house.

I don't chew gum anymore because he hated the sound. I fidget all the time because I developed anxiety from living there.

I haven't been living in that house for two years, and I still do all of these quirky things.

I was entirely alone in that establishment. No one I knew had ever been in the same situation as me. None of my friends know how to deal with me still acting this way after all this time.

And it only got worse after I left the abusive relationship.

This ended around eight months ago, so everything is still fresh. I ask for my current boyfriend's permission to go out and do things.

I am afraid to go out for fear of a fight. I don't like showing him what I'm wearing because I don't want to be called names. I feel like I have to give him my phone for an inspection.

These are little habits and fears that I know won't go away.

I hope that eventually I will get over it all and those survival tactics will become a thing of the past. But, for now, they stick with me.

These tactics and memories stick with all of us who have been in this kind of situation. And I know I speak for most when I say that we wish more people understood where we are coming from.

We don't just "get over it."

We will keep behaving in that way because we had to in order to get by every single day. And it doesn't help when people call us out on it and question us. We are going to do these little things regardless of whether someone thinks it's childish or dumb.

We lived it, and we will continue to live it until we don't.