To celebrate Mother's Day this past week, my mom and I binge-watched one of our alltime favorite shows: "Gilmore Girls."
It's renowned for having the ultimate duo, with Lorelai and Rory being the epitome of mother
When it comes down to it, though, their relationship always holds true, always endures through anything thrown its way. They give mothers and daughters everywhere something to aspire to.
But, what people often miss are the lessons learned from the tense relationship between Lorelai and her mother, Emily. Estranged since Lorelai ran away as a new teenage mom, their relationship is practically non-existent, save for the obligatory visits around the holidays. Emily seems stiff, overbearing and often outright mean--not a woman that many would think of as "good."
Despite her faults, though, Emily Gilmore has more to offer than killer one-liners and Chanel suits for days. She might, in fact, have a few things to teach us about being a good mother, too.
1. Persistence is key.
Yes, Emily can at times seem like she merely wants to control Lorelai's life, to simply have Lorelai bend to her will with no regard for what Lorelai actually wants. But if you look just a little closer, you can see why she does those things: she really loves her daughter and will do whatever it takes to be a part of her life.
Albeit it not in the healthiest ways, everything Emily does is to try and be in Lorelai and Rory's lives. Whether it be the enforced, blackmail-ish Friday night dinners, slyly tricking Lorelai into spending a spa-weekend with her, co-signing Lorelai's loan to save her house or hosting her Daughters of the American Revolution meetings at the inn that Lorelai manages, Emily refuses to give up in her attempt to ensure that she is a part of Lorelai's life.
For Emily, those stifling or intrusive moments are her way of fighting for her daughter. Underneath that hard exterior, Emily is simply a mother terrified of losing her daughter all over again.
2. A little support can go a long way.
When it matters most, Emily is there.
When Rory goes to New York to see Jess and missed Lorelai's graduation, Emily and Richard show up. And, in typical Emily fashion, she shows her love by insisting on the best of the best for Lorelai, making her choose an expensive corsage and having a film crew follow her throughout the ceremony.
When Lorelai throws out her back, Emily insists on staying with her, nursing her back to health (even trying to be domestic and feed her a disgusting mashed banana on toast!).
And, perhaps most notably, when Lorelai finally confesses that she and Christopher were getting a divorce, Emily surprises her with words of encouragement and understanding.
Instead of demeaning Lorelai, rubbing it in that yet another relationship failed, Emily praises her for how she has proven that she can take care of herself, that she doesn't need a man to handle the other paddle in a canoe; she is a self-sufficient "kayak" and will be just fine.
3. Love has to come before pride.
Emily may be a stubborn, prideful woman who admittedly often let that rule her actions, but she eventually came to recognize this fault.
When Emily meddles in Luke and Lorelai's relationship because she doesn't think Luke is good enough, ultimately causing Luke and Lorelai's relationship to fracture, Lorelai cuts off contact with her. Emily has a choice to make: cause her daughter pain and lose their relationship for good or swallow her pride and try to rectify the situation.
In the end, we see Emily, whose whole life has been about social standing and keeping up a certain appearance, put aside her own wants and go to Luke to tell him to be with her daughter.
She does that which is immensely hard for her because she knows what it means for her daughter, because her love for Lorelai is more important than her status in high society.
While Emily is far from perfect, she does the one thing that matters most: she tries. She teaches us that long as long as we never give up, as long as we keep trying and failing and trying again, there will always be hope.
