What If We Weren't Afraid?

What If We Weren't Afraid?

What would you do if you were not afraid? If you were not holding onto your past, if you were not ashamed, if you were embracing the moment in its exact form....


Last night I was really sore, feeling this obvious tension from a day of high energy. My body was asking for something. Without thinking, I started to stretch. Moving around on my apartment floor, doing yoga poses, listening to calming indie music, and leaning into the pain of tight muscles. I felt these intense sensations of release, as if this momentary interaction was literally pushing stress, toxins, and the past out of my body. It wasn't the common feeling of stretching, but something much more fulfilling, reactive, sincere. I swear, I could everything inside of me moving, moving with my heart and my bodies innate desire to let go. I had my eyes closed, simply responding with energy, paying attention to the spaces that needed more attention. It was my own definition of intuition and quite seriously, it was magical.

I hadn't felt this way in a long time. Usually, working out - even yoga, or walking - is filled with body judgement and comparison to the body I had in the depths of Anorexia. But now, in this unique evening, I was not looking at my body as an aesthetic. I was not trying to impress anyone, not even myself, and I felt actual movements instead of my skin around them. I was focusing on the way I felt, not how I looked, something I have been trying to do with little success. There were no mirrors, no watching eyes, no comparison. I'm sure if anyone saw me, it wouldn't have been the perfection that I felt, but that's the point. It was not about what I saw, it was all about what I felt. This was not an Instagram video, but it was still beautiful. I felt whole.

As I pondered the emotions I felt, I realized that the complete contentment I felt was a product of truly being. Not trying, not pretending, not worrying, not wishing. I was not afraid to move and so I did in exactly the way I needed. I was accepting, I was there, I was present, I was me. I was not afraid of how I looked, I was not there for anyone, anything, but me. As a young woman in this chaotic and expectant society, I have always struggled with anxiety. I have a tendency to lead with desire, instead of thankfulness, and though I'm working to change, external influences sure do make it hard. I think that's why this experience was so impactful - I was not trying to do anything, yet I did so much. I thanked my body, I respected it through movement, I listened. I saw that my own fear prevents me from doing the best thing I can - honor thyself.

I decided to write about this, to share it with others, because I know I'm not alone. I think fear prevents people from living their true life all the time. Whether that be fear of others opinions, fear of failure, fear of what will happen if we stray from the norms, or fear of change that we don't feel ready to endure. Fear controls us.

If we weren't afraid what potential could we have? What would we see, do, feel, and find if we did not let fear ignorantly hold us back. For me, this has an ultimate relation to the body - a lot of my own fear is held in my physical self. I know that recovering from this eating disorder is part of my life's journey, but I have come to see, especially last night, that if I was not afraid of this body, things could be much different. I could be much different.

Fear convinces us of things that may never have been true. The thoughts of fear are not things, but they are mean, it is judgement, and it holds assumption. Fear is not flexible or kind and it makes us do what we think we should instead what we desire. Instead of listening, instead of turning inward, instead of depending on intuition to lead the way. Staying afraid means staying stuck and that may have a place inside all of is, but that doesn't mean it has to win.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Politics and Activism

4 Ways The Plan To Deport International Students Is Dumb, According To An Exchange Student

The whole policy isn't very stay-in-place, if you ask me.

Wikimedia Commons

On Monday, July 6, new federal guidelines were announced that do not allow international students to remain in the U.S. unless they are taking classes in person. Which, if you ask me, is stupid.

Keep Reading... Show less

Everyone remembers the first time they went to one of the Disney parks. Spinning in teacups and having Goofy wrap his arms around my 8-year-old self were some of my fondest childhood memories, and I'm surely not alone in that.

Keep Reading... Show less

These Superfood Beauty Products Show Kale And Matcha Work For SO Much More Than We Thought

Just another summer's day with a cold glass of kombucha on my face.

I've been vegan for about six years now, so a love for fresh vegetables and superfoods has now become a core part of my being. Don't get me wrong. I love my indulgent, creamy pastas and truffle fries more than anyone. But I keep most of my focus on eating clean and healthy so I can indulge guilt-free.

But I'd say about a large part of my diet has always, unknowingly, included superfoods. Being Indian, lentils, beetroot, garlic, ginger, and whole grains have been core essentials on the family dinner table since I could digest solid foods.

Keep Reading... Show less

Now that college is around the corner for most if not all young adults, students once shook by a pandemic now have to shift their focus on achieving their career goals. As if we thought we had it together already! As an NYC girl, I have always seen myself as a hustler, hungry to advance my career in journalism by having one skill: working hard.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 BBQ Essentials Every Vegan Should Bring To Avoid Summer Cookout FOMO

You'll have your whole family drooling when you bring these goodies over too.

All vegetarians and vegans can relate when I say this: summer barbecues aren't fun when there's nothing you can eat.

Keep Reading... Show less

Kourtney Kardashian has decided to leave "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" after nearly 14 years and although we saw this coming, it breaks our heart that she won't be there to make us laugh with her infamous attitude and hilarious one-liners.

Kourtney is leaving the show because it was taking up too much of her life and it was a "toxic environment" for her.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

We Asked You How You Felt About Resuming 'Normal' Activities, And Some Of Your Answers Shocked Us

The New York Times asked 511 epidemiologists when they'd feel comfortable doing "normal" activities again, considering COVID-19. We asked our peers the same thing, for science.

Last month, the New York Times surveyed about 500 epidemiologists asking about their comfort level with certain activities once deemed normal — socializing with friends, going to the doctor, bringing in the mail. That's all well and good for the experts, but they are a very niche group, not the majority of the population. What do "normal" people feel safe doing? In certain states, we've seen how comfortable everyone is with everything (looking at you, Florida), but we wanted to know where Odyssey's readers fell on the comfort scale. Are they sticking with the epidemiologists who won't be attending a wedding for another year, or are they storming the sunny beaches as soon as possible?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments