I should be asleep right now. But I'll take time to write.
Because I promised myself I would start doing something with the pain I felt, maybe it wouldn't keep me up at night.
When will my heart stop hurting from thoughts of you?
Why do you still haunt me, a painful interruption when I have so much to do?
How did I love you before I truly knew you? I must have a fool's heart.
I'm fine, then suddenly— I'm not. It is tearing me apart.
I fell into you so easily, was too excited, I guess.
But how could I deprive myself, when my heart and mind were for once in agreeance, at rest.
I know I sound like just some other love-sick somebody,
But he wasn't just anybody.
When he looked in my eyes, he really looked at me.
He has eyes that made the shy parts of me want to look away out of youthful naivety.
He didn't look skin-deep like so many others of the others had looked.
He was seeing me as a person, a friend, an interest— and I was hooked.
I need my brain to see you and to free you; to feel indifference, already.
I feel so stupid when I think that these feelings are unnecessary.
And I hate that I love the music you love because now in a way it's ruined for me.
I can't listen now just for myself, when I try you're there with me.
But you're there with her.
Your memory of me quickly being replaced, merely a whisper.
—A murmur in your head, an earthquake in my chest.
Seeing her makes me sad and I hate that.
It's wrong to me that I'm sure she's wonderful, yet someone I can't bear to look at.
I know that I have bigger fish to fry, better things to occupy my mind with,
But these days my head is turning more and more into a labyrinth.
Oh well. I'll move on and be okay.
I'll feel better tomorrow —just one sleep away— tomorrow is not today.
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