We live in a world in which mental illnesses are still very much stigmatized, and eating disorders are no exception to this. They are something we like to keep quiet about. They are something we trivialize. They are something we tend to blame the sufferer for going through.
The myths associated with eating disorders are a huge part of the reason why I had convinced myself for most of my life that I wasn't sick, that it wasn't a big deal, and that I shouldn't talk about it. It's important that the truth behind even a few of these myths are made known, so here are four out of the infinite number that exist.
1. You don't have to look sick to be sick.
This is probably the biggest issue I have struggled with. I continuously asked myself, "How can I have an eating disorder when the mirror shows me a body that is far from unhealthy looking?" ...Because everyone knows that unless you're 70 pounds and on the verge of death, you must be completely healthy and normal, right? (major sarcasm). To this very day, I sometimes buy into the notion that you must look sick to be sick, and that just couldn't be more untrue. I have many mental, emotional, and even physical health issues as a result of my eating disorder that you would never know by looking at me. It's important to remind yourself that unhealthy is unhealthy, no matter what it looks like.
2. It is a disease, not a decision.
I think this is particularly hard for people to understand. For those who don't suffer from eating disorders, the solution seems simple: just stop. But it's not that simple, because we didn't choose to begin in the first place. You wouldn't tell a paralyzed person to stop being paralyzed and just get up and walk, would you? No, you wouldn't, so please stop assuming we can just "get better." Even after years of after potential healing and even on the best of days, our eating disorders will always be with us. #NotAChoice
3. I am not fishing for compliments.
For me, this is not only frustrating, it's also somewhat hilarious. Please, do not flatter yourself by thinking that my life-consuming issue is just a ploy to receive some compliments. Just because some girls use the "I'm so ugly and fat" tactic to gain attention does not cheapen my very real and very serious struggle. And while we're on the subject, compliments will not heal me either. Brad Pitt and Zac Efron could tell me that I was the sexiest woman alive and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. Your constant attempts at trying to "fix" the way I see myself are a waste of time. I hate to break it to you, but you will not be the antidote to my poison.
4. Food is not just "food."
Whether it's an apple or a large piece of cake topped with ice cream, I am going to feel guilty when I eat it. Food is a source of fear. It does not bring me joy, and if it does, it only lasts for the short time that it takes me to consume it. It triggers a sense of urgency in my brain telling me that I must eliminate or undo what I have just done, ASAP.
It's often times quite impossible to ignore, leaving me no choice but to find comfort in the nearest bathroom (or even pulled over on the side of the road if I have to) to "rid" myself of it. It ruins lunches out with friends, holiday dinners, and so much of my potential happiness. Calories rule my life, laughing at me and taunting me with each one that I digest. Food, which should serve as a sense of nutrition and sometimes even joy, are and always will be a battle for me.
Eating disorders are extremely hard to think about, let alone talk about. I have not fought my last fight with them, but I have the tools needed to keep me going on a daily basis. I constantly find myself resorting back to believing the "myths" of eating disorders, which means I constantly have to kick myself in the ass and remember just how false they really are. Never forget that eating disorders DO NOT DISCRIMINATE. Do research, talk to loved ones and professionals, take action, and work every day to win yourself back.
