Women are odd creatures. I've been a part of the species for roughly 21 years, and there are still some mysteries that illude me.

For example, how do some girls walk through the windy days of Kansas and still manage to have flawless hair? What, exactly, is a spin class? And please explain how does one contour?

Though some aspects of womanhood might always remain an enigma, there are two things I know:

1. Women like to be wooed.

2. Guys can screw the woo-ing up in an incredibly small time frame.

In fact, my research has shown that men can completely ruin any and all chances with a woman in the first 10 seconds. Observe real-life comments.

1. "You look better when you smile."

This is a completely inappropriate way to compliment a girl's smile if that was even what was intended. A statement like this is guaranteed to make her smile the last thing you see before she punches your lights out.

2. "You remind me of my mom."

This makes women think you 1. Have some serious mom issues, 2. You want to make out with your mom, or 3. Both. None of these make women want to engage with you further.

3. "You shouldn't cuss, it's unattractive."

I can tell you right now that the girl you're talking to doesn't care what you think is attractive. If this is your starting statement, then you can bet your booty that she's going to take her sailor mouth and attach it to someone less obnoxious.

4. "That's not very lady-like."

Same as above. Who died and made you the lady-like police? No one so quit being pretentious.

5. "You'd look better with contacts."

First, contacts are expensive and sometimes a hassle to wear. Second, I like my glasses. Third, I can see how much of a ridiculous jerk you are just fine. Thanks, but no thanks, for your input.

6. "You would be happier if you were in a relationship."

If being in a relationship means I have to put up with you telling me stupid things like this, then thankyouverymuch, but nope, I'll pass!

7. "It's that time of the month, huh?"

Let me get this straight. You're going to approach a woman who already looks angry or upset, and you're going to start off with this question. Well, if this answer you were looking for was, "Yeah, it's the time of the month where I kick you into next month," then, by all means, ask this question.

8. "You know what having green eyes means? It means that you're easy."

I don't know if you're trying to be complimentary with this or you're just looking for sex. Either way, I'm going to tell you right now that you're not going to be successful.

9. "You seem so innocent."

You'd have better luck with the "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven" line than with this. Don't assume a woman is anything just by her appearance or demeanor. Yeah, I'm innocent, until we go out to the bike racks, and I beat you up.

10. "No, this is how you do it. . ."

You might think that this is cute a la every Rom-Com where the guy shows the girl how to putt at a mini-golf course, but it's not. Unless a woman asks you for help, she is not going to want you butting in and showing her how to do it. Women are independent humans, and they do have the ability to seek out help if necessary.

Men, take my statements to heart. Women are strange beasts, but we're not aliens. Talk to us like a normal human and don't say any of these terrible one-liners, and I'm sure you'll last in the conversation game than 10 seconds.