In the wake of the 2016 presidential election, the doors have essentially been blasted wide open in terms of who can run and how far they can get. It’s been proven that if you send a message that people resonate with, then you need zero prior experience in order to gain the coveted role of POTUS. With that being said I’ve narrowed the list down to the 5 candidates that I truly believe will be in the running for the 2020 presidential election along with the pros and cons of electing them as our leader.
1) Guy Fieri
Pros:
Guy would greatly improve the culinary landscape of America. Not to mention he could finally bridge the gap between the food network and American politics. A liaison that is desperately needed. Guy would also bring an entirely new dress code to the white house. Suits and ties would be a thing of yesteryear. Flame button ups and flip flops for all.
Cons:
He would be too concerned with 10 inch chicken wings that he forgets to do normal presidential stuff and next thing you know bitcoin takes over the U.S. dollar. The other downside to having such a lax and casual president is that laissez faire attitude could start a trend where everyone just stops going to work. It wouldn’t even be a strike because no one’s fighting for a cause. The entire country would spend all day drinking on the beach and all night partying in the streets. No more local commerce. No more Chipotle. No more Target. No more public education. People would have to grow their own food and work together to prosper again. It’d be the worst thing that’s ever happened to math and science in this country. But it would allow us to directly address the social issues that divide our country. Only when we truly depend on one another will we learn to appreciate and love everyone in our community. Could be a pipe dream or could be a viable solution. Only one way to find out.
2) Beyonce Knowles
Pros:
This would honestly just feel like a long time coming. Beyonce has been queen for the past decade or so and having her as our world leader just makes sense. Beyonce is not only aware of social issues but her dazzling personality and electric dance skills could bring epic parties to the White House. Part of the reason that people don’t like to talk politics is it seems boring and unfamiliar. If Beyonce-who is at the forefront of entertainment and pop culture gets elected, suddenly people are interested in all things Beyonce. Including politics.
Those conversations about the dress she wore at the Grammys last week will turn into lengthy discussions about the economic stimulus package she just proposed. She would make being a well-informed citizen cool. The kids who used to get shhhhd in class for talking about abortion will now be put on a pedestal. Intellect and discussion will be the new ripped jeans.
Cons:
The potential downfall to this presidency is rooted in the same place that could make it great. Because Beyonce is such a pop icon, if she gets elected president, then her supporters could actually turn their back on her for “selling out.” Beyonce fans love her because of her MUSIC. Not the size of her earrings or her thoughts on the rapidly declining bee population. If Sasha Fierce scores the presidency then her fanbase will crumble within itself because they won’t be able to get the only thing they want from Beyonce: dope ass tunes. This means not only will they lose support of Beyonce but they will rebel so hard that they’ll read up on politics even less than they did before. Their ENTIRE world will be consuming entertaining media instead of tackling real world issues. Tragic.
3) Mario Lopez
Pros:
Mario is such a recognizable and handsome face that he’d be able to swoon other world leaders at UN meetings. Instead of fierce negotiations, Mario could just flash those dimples and countries will practically meet all of our demands. Not to mention Mario is so great on the mic that he could have a presidential show every week where he brings in other politicians to interview them on late night, in order to make them appear more friendly and likable.
Cons:
Mario could get so overwhelmed by all the newfound responsibility that he reverts back to his old Slater self from Saved By The Bell. That guy was way too testosterone and girl crazy to make rational decisions with our country. Slater would seem like the type of president who would jeopardize national security in order to make Jesse smile. Totally romantic but completely irresponsible.
4) Kevin Feige
Pros:
Kevin is the president at Marvel Studios so this is a guy who knows a thing or two about leadership. He could translate those skills he learned while making billions of dollars at the box office into helping solve our national debt along with other problems that smart people deal with. Kevin would find new creative ways to solve generational issues that’s plagued America. He’d fix the education problems by moving all the schools to outdoor classrooms while simultaneously lowering government spending on air conditioning. He could fix immigration by letting everyone come to work provided that they spend at least 40% of their earnings consuming American entertainment. Support the art mi amigos!
Cons:
Kevin could totally use his newfound power as a platform to bring Marvel to complete world domination. As president he could shut down Warner Bros and all of the other competitors. He could take their characters and Marvel would become the ultimate entertainment singularity. An absolute monopoly where the only thing they don’t have power of is board games. Oh wait, they can do that too! With a new and improved game called Marvel. Monopoly won’t even be Monopoly anymore. Wow. Now that’s true power. That's some elder wand domination right there. The more that I think about it though, who needs competition? Marvel forever baby!
5) Kanye West
Pros:
This is the only actual announced running of all the candidates so this one has some pretty good legs to stand on. Having Kanye as president would actually provide a cataclysmic shift in the Earth’s landscape. Kanye would actually Make America Cool Again. You’re probably sitting there asking yourself what am I talking about? America is cool. Newsflash: it used to be, but it’s not anymore. Do graduating college seniors say that they’re gonna go backpacking through Idaho for the summer? No. They go to Europe. Do the world’s greatest superheroes Wolverine, The Dark Knight (Christian Bale), Superman and Spider-Man come from hardworking blue collar American families? No. They’re from the UK. What I’m saying is Kanye is cool and having him as our leader would naturally restore our coolness and ultimately help us flex on other countries.
Cons:
Kanye’s speeches could potentially turn into whatever the opposite of must see television is. When Kanye is live he has a bad habit of rambling on and on with lots of ums and uhhs in between. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just having our president stutter every 3 seconds could make us the laughing stock of the UN. "Hey America, got speech coaches? Hey United States, where's your enunciation at bro? Such plebs."
That’s how they would tease Kanye at those world leader summits. It’d be so embarrassing and America can’t be taking that big of an L for 4 years.
In conclusion I'm quite optimistic about the outlook of candidates we have for the 2020 election. In a perfect world we would combine all of them to make a food savant--cool uncle--pop superstar--amazing dancer--dimple charged hunk of beef--superhero mastermind--jesus walked and named his son Yeezus to form the ultimate president. One can only wish right now, but maybe we'll have that technology perfected by 2024. Fingers crossed.
