You know all those places you always say you want to go see? You remember all those people you say you really want to go visit? How are they? Oh, you don’t know? What? You never went to go see them? You never visited that place? Why? Oh, you don’t know how one goes about “road tripping it?" That’s a tragedy. Let me break it down for you. It shouldn’t be too hard.
1. Have a place or person you want to go see.
This part is pretty essential. Without an intended destination you might as well just find the closest roundabout and drive around until you get dizzy. Google and (surprisingly) your local newspaper actually provide really good ideas for road trip destinations if you don’t already have one in mind.
2. Get in the car.
This is where it starts to get a little confusing, but stick with me, I promise I will help you through it. If you have a car, get in it. If you don’t have a car, try to borrow one. If you can’t borrow one, consider asking someone who has a car to embark on this journey with you. This makes for a much more interesting ride and a much more interesting story as well.
3. Pedal to the metal.
Pedal to the metal is a saying used when one is referring to the act of “skurting” away from one’s current destination to their intended destination. The pedal, in this instance, is the part of the car that you use to make it go (located on the right side). The metal in this reference is the floor of the car. You must push the pedal down in the direction of the metal in order to make the car move forward. The harder you push on this pedal and the closer it gets to the metal, the faster your car will go and the faster you will arrive at your destination.
4. Play your stellar road trip jams.
The perfect playlist is critical to every situation, but perhaps the most critical situation possible for any set of songs is the car. On a road trip you are sitting in one spot for hours. This can get boring so you need to make sure that you have the right tunes to elevate your trip to the appropriate level of party time fun without blatant disregard for the rules of the road.
5. Stop for gas in the cheapest state you are driving through.
On every road trip, you will pass through a state (if you are traveling across state lines) that has cheaper gas than your state (especially if you live in New York). An absolute must for any road trip is to spend as little money possible on silly things that fuel for your automobile. Finding the cheapest tank of gas along your journey is critical to saving your hard-earned money.
6. Fuel up on coffee to avoid sleeping at the wheel.
Although you may have to stop shortly after to relieve your extremely full bladder, coffee is your friend anytime you are in the car. Falling asleep behind the wheel is a no-go, so make sure you get your Frappuccino with two extra shots of espresso because you need to keep your eyes open.
7. Arrive at your destination
Make sure you get to where you are supposed to be going. This step involves some earlier planning. A common mistake made earlier on in the road trip process that would lead to problems here might be putting in the address for Newport, Washington when you were just trying to get to Newport, Rhode Island. Don’t let this happen to you.
8. Rage.
You just spent all that time in the car to get to your perfect destination (unless you are still in the car and heading to Washington and you haven’t figured out what you have done yet) so enjoy it. Because why the hell else did you just drive all those miles?
9. Take mad photos.
Did you even go if you don’t have an entire Facebook album dedicated to pictures from your trip?
10. Eat well.
One of the most fun parts of taking a road trip is finding local dives in and around the area you are heading. Check out the "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" website for highly ranked suggestions and make sure you try the most obscure thing on the menu.
11. Go home because you are an adult with a job and you can’t afford to take that many days off from work.
Being a part of the workforce sucks because eternal vacations aren’t a thing, but getting paid doesn’t suck so make sure you head back to that job of yours that allows you to fund fun and exciting car rides to beautiful places with good people. But just for jokes, buy yourself a lottery ticket because maybe you will win and then you will have an eternal vacation.
