So we had this brilliant idea — get a drink and go on Tinder. Get freer with your thoughts to look at ridiculous messages. Makes sense, right? Of course it does. And yes, it was as great as you're picturing right now. Here's the unapologetic fierce totally-done-with-Tinder reactions that I was sober enough to transcribe from my Queen of Dragging roommate. Due to the level of sass in these responses, none were actually sent so as not to wound anyone's ego this severely. No Tinder boys were harmed in the making of this article. Enjoy, sober or tipsy.
1. "You're stunning"
"Sadly sir, you are not."
2. "Wanna help me out with something real fast?
"How about I help you...GET LOST?!"
In her defense, the "real fast" was very suspicious. You swerved an ask for nudes roomie, good on you.
3. "Hey how's your day going?"
"BETTER NOW THAT I DIDN'T RESPOND TO YOU!"
4. "Hey what's going on with you tonight?"
"NOT TALKING TO YOU, THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON"
5. "Hey I don't know Milky Chance, but you seem pretty cool!"
"Well you don't for being a little b*tch and not knowing Milky Chance!"
Apparently, common interests must include music. I suppose it's not her fault for fiercely defending her favorite band.
6. "Hey I'm bored at calculus class lol"
"I'm bored at your message lol"
7. "Hi my name's Jay"
"Sir, your name is gev who are you"
His name quite literally said "Gev" and yet he messaged "Jay." Someone is having an identity crisis. ABORT THE MISSION.
8.
"Cry me a river you little hoe"
9. "Don't be a couch potato"
"F*ck you, I'll do what I want you little hoe"
I think it should be mentioned that little hoe is common vocabulary in our friend group. Your friend's being lazy? She a lil hoe. Your fav's being problematic? They're a little hoe. Your microwave broke? It's being a lil hoe. I'm happy to have clarified.
10.
"Sir, this doesn't make any sense. Don't bring whales into this. They are nice people."
11. "Hey, looks like we live close by"
"No.....oh wait, he has little dogs though."
There's a reason why Tinder guys always have dogs in their photos. Because somehow, it works. Sometimes, you only swipe right for the dogs.
12. The bio reads "pizza, fashion, and travel"
*gives suspicious squint to screen*
13. "Text me, i never use Tinder!"
"Then why are you on here? LIAR!"
Lying isn't the best way to start off a relationship.
14. "i heard men are mars, women are from venus, but what planet are you from angel?"
"the planet of LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE, raUL"
Our apologies Raul, you put yourself out there only to be shut down, but sometimes our reactions are required to create an article. Like this one. We hope you've found an answer to your astronomical questions Raul.
