If you're a college student like me, you often enjoy many things which include sobriety, school approved events on campus, and hitting the books in the library every night.
Pictured: Your best friends...and mine.
Now if you actually know me, you know that I enjoy literally none of those things.
What I do enjoy? Going out and participating in fun, none school sponsored, much less approved activities that more often than not kill brain cells rather than help them grow, just like my almost fully formed pre-real adulthood brain needs.
Now i'm writing this while completely beating around the bush of the actual issue because if my mom ever reads this she'd pull me out of school in a heartbeat. No, seriously, like I have to keep telling her "maybe" my next Odyssey article will get published because they all have had something to do with alcohol. Luckily, she refuses to be my friend on Facebook, despite my constant friend requests.
This happens on my own Facebook more times than i'd like to admit.
Of course, as the title of the article says, this article is about Drunk Munchies That Will Get You Arrested. Believe me this was the first time that I heard that drunk munchies could get you arrested too, but you know exactly what drunk munchies are.
Raise your hand if you ever went on a two in the morning Taco Bell run because you were shmacked with your friends.
Don't "Wiig" Out.
Now raise your hand if you ever started shouting on the walk home from an off campus house because its 1:21am and you realized Linda's is still open.
Don't argue with me Donny. Jeb can back me up on this.
And now SHU students, raise your hand if you're stuck in line at the Merritt Canteen reading this article right now.
Boom.
Everyone can enjoy a good munchie, no matter what time of the day, but here are the munchies you'd rather want to avoid.
3. Any Food That is Illegal in the US
It seems pretty straight forward, but we live in a generation that can't use the "$" sign correctly, but that's a whole different article in itself. Did you know that Kinder Surprise Chocolate Eggs are apparently illegal in the US? Chocolate. Eggs. If you look at a list that has illegal foods in the US there's stuff like horse meat and shark fins, which makes sense but chocolate eggs? Ridiculous, I tell you. However, being in possession of one of these eggs will actually charge you about $2500. Besides, can you even imagine trying to eat a $2500 chocolate egg with a toy inside after committing a night to Fireball or (urgh) Marshmallow Pinnacle?
Any Food That You Steal
In all seriousness, you probably either don't have the testicular or ovarian fortitude to steal food or, hopefully, you were raised in a strong household where you learned not to steal anything and you are responsible to pay for the things you order. However, there are still those guys who peel out of a drive through after getting their food or those who grab a handful of anything then sprint off. While anything stolen under $500 is technically a misdemeanor, a misdemeanor can actually get you up to a year of jail time and $1000 fine in the state of Missouri.
Now this article might seem like a lot of BS but hey, I took the hand I was dealt with and still played. I took the ball and ran with it. I even thought to myself when I first read the topic that I got:
These gifs are so handy.
That being said, the drunk munchie that will most likely probably get you arrested is, without a doubt,
'F--king Jalapeno Bacon Mac and Cheese'
Now this is not to say that i'm condoning the UConn Mac and Cheese kid's activities. I think this kid is a little s**t that needed a good smacking. But to stay on track with my article so that I still have a position with the Odyssey, this might have been the most relevant illicit drunk munchie to date. Luke Gatti, who was freaking out about this whole thing about wanting jalapeno bacon mac and cheese (which sounds like heart disease waiting to happen, if you ask me) got him restrained and was sat on by two grown men only to be followed up with being charged with breaching the peace and criminal trespassing, which if he is found guilty, can lead to jail time, probation, and fines upwards of $10,000. Oh, and apparently he got kicked out of UMass Amherst for a similar incident. Someone introduce this guy to Dean Wielk.
All in all, if you're just at the least a half reasonable, decent person, you won't ever have issues with getting arrested after picking up your late night after party fix. As the great Dwight K. Schrute once said,
I couldn't find a gif. Oh well. Might as well go to Linda's and get a buffalo chicken quesadilla. Those things are fire.
