I feel a sort of numb lately that I can't slip out of.

I'm not sure why or when this happened but here I am. I feel trapped in a state where I don't recognize myself. I'm forcing the smiles, forcing my personality to mildly appear and questioning myself constantly. I'm overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts that leave me feeling vulnerable and insecure.

For anyone who knows me, I'm pretty eccentric, loud, always talking and laughing, attempting to be funny, and full of optimism. Lately, that girl seems to be hiding somewhere inside me and I find myself just really going through the motions of every day. I feel myself spiraling and living a really wild interior life. One where my mind feels in complete control and the world is seeing an exhausted and quite human. This, unfortunately, leaves me in a state of insecurity constantly comparing myself and losing sight of my self-worth.

It's frustrating and I'd like to think that this is the final semester of college just getting the best of me. Its stripped me of sleep and a social life. I haven't had many friends or family time. Which, I am realizing as an extrovert I am in DESPERATE need of. But, the more I've communicated these feelings with others I'm finding I'm not alone and a lot of other people have been feeling this lately as well.

Why? I'm not exactly sure how to fix this. Maybe its a mix of girls nights, me time with unlimited pampering sessions, and college to end? But, whatever it is I think the only way to feel like I can breathe again is just doing something for myself. Attempting to cut me off when the thoughts are out of control and end it before I start tearing myself apart. For anyone else who feels like they've lost themselves and are drowning too, you're not alone and the first step, I think, is picking you. Picking moments through the day to take care of yourself and create a positive environment around you to help lift you up.

It isn't easy but baby steps. Right?